Wednesday, October 7, 2009

My Mouth Speaks What Is In My Heart, Argh!

For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (Matthew 12:34b, NRSV)

This is pretty much the most terrifying thing that I can think of, and probably because I already demonstrated it this morning. Apparently, my heart abounds in the right to not be questioned. How has your morning started?

I wrote about pruning yesterday. One of the areas of my life that has been “adjusted” is my mouth. I come from a line of yellers. During the first year of my marriage, my husband asked me to stop yelling. I did. I can’t tell you how. Thirty years of yelling was offered up and taken from me. It was awesome.

My faults go beyond that, though. In my lifetime, I somehow achieved the highest rankings in the right to be right. It has been a process of extreme humility to learn to keep my mouth shut. I actually feel my blood pressure change sometimes when I stand there and take it. Am I ever sorry that I didn’t speak? Are you kidding me? Never.

I have gotten myself into so much trouble because of my mouth. I am always grateful for the Spirit’s intercession and the thousand pound weight that He gently places on my tongue. It makes my life so much easier, not now, but later. All of the things that I want to say in the moment I never even remember in 15 minutes.

This morning my flesh got plucked. I responded. Although, I did not yell, I lectured. Which is worse? I have so much to learn.

The abundance of my heart is not flattering, and it does come out of my mouth, sometimes. That means I have a lot of unflattering moments through this mouth. Some of you are shaking your heads and saying, “I know, Trace, I have seen it”.

I went on a speaking fast, one time. It drove my husband crazy, especially because I did not tell him that was what I was doing. He thought I was upset for days. During my speaking fast, I realized how little I really need to say and that you should warn people when you make big decisions like not speaking for a period of time.

In mornings like these, my resolve is strengthened because I have seen the ugly. I want to do better. This morning, I was reading Matthew 11:29, NRSV, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

I usually get caught on the light yoke part, dreaming of the rest to come; but, I saw something new. I saw the two commands, take my yoke and learn. I know that I am in the process of learning, but there are some lessons that I struggle under. I desire to learn how to shut my mouth.

The best that I can say for now is that some days are better than others. Some days I say too much and some days I say too little. This is an area that I desire to learn. I have found that it, above most things, can make a difference in directing all things back to Him.

Is your mouth a lesson that you are learning?

Father, thank you for the thousand pound weight that your Spirit brings. I pray that you would strengthen my resolve to learn from you what it is to be gentle and humble from my mouth. Let my abundance point to you.

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