Are You Suffering? Have You Suffered?

When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.

Now there were devout Jews from every nation under heaven living in Jerusalem. And at this sound the crowd gathered and was bewildered, because each one heard them speaking in the native language of each. Amazed and astonished, they asked, “Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? And how is it that we hear, each of us, in our own native language? -Acts 2:1-8, NRSV

Now, erase every word you have ever heard on these verses.

Think of this as a picture. All of us in one place, and the rush of violent wind surrounding us. Between us, above us, around us, tongues that look like dancing fire, searching for their keeper. On each of our shoulders, a new, linguistic identity rests.

We speak these new words. We experience them in our heads, hearts, rolling off of our tongue. These are the words appointed to us. We are given the ability to speak them and share them.

As I sat on the couch one day, this picture came to me so clearly. I had just received a phone call from another friend seeking to console me. My husband and I had, what I will call, a “life event” early this month. I know you also have these life events, too.

My friend did not know what happened to us, but comforted me as I revealed my absence from blogging. As her concern and kind words rolled over me, I heard her say, “I am experiencing a season of suffering, also”. Divine appointment revealed.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. -2 Corinthians 1:3 & 4, NRSV.

As she revealed her story, my heart broke for my old friend. Our situations were completely dissimilar, but I understood the intensity of each word. I understood the language that breaks through condition, preference, lifestyle, and choice.

This month, I have found the common language of suffering that rests on all of us at some point.

We all speak a strain of suffering. We have our own brand, our own dialect, on which we lay claim. The most important thing to remember is that while our experience looks, smells, feels different from our sisters, our suffering and consolation are more similar. They are purposeful, crafted, directional. They begin, rest in, and end with the Father.

We all have the ability to understand this language.

I wish that I could bring all of you who have stood with me into a room and take turns hugging and feeding you. (That is intimacy where I come from.) What a gift that not one of you withheld prayer or words from me. You have taught me and healed me in so many ways.

When suffering is spoken, hearts unfold, reach out, lock each other in a hedge of protection, and forever become the object of mutual consolation. That is my experience.

If you are suffering, or even simply struggling, I encourage you to trust your sisters with that sacred biblical task of caring for you. It is a privilege to walk through trials appointed to us, together. Email me and I will be overjoyed to intercede for you.

If you have come through a time of suffering, reach out to another who needs consolation. Remember those who stood around you in your suffering, and extend that same love to someone else.

I have thanked all of you for this last month, but I will do it again. Thank you for your patience, your words, your prayers, your comments, your love and your hearts. I have rested in each of them.

Worship In Posture, Not Pose

“Let us go to his dwelling place; let us worship at his footstool.” - Psalm 132:7, NRSV

The motto for my husband’s company is “Posture, Not Pose.” If I had to choose a motto for worship, it would be the same. It made me think about worship’s posture.

Of course, it would be inseparable from the heart, complete with singing and blessing of God’s name, perhaps an intermittent cymbal. I saw grandiose pictures of it in my mind, and places in my life where it could be implemented. To be honest, the more that I managed the vision, the more it started to look like a spiritual spa. I felt dangerously close to “pose.”

I needed something more useful to me. Once I told a friend who was struggling with her fate that fulfilling her purpose was an act of worship. I now have to ask, was I consoling her or was this true?

I could not help but attach the invitation to God’s footstool with posture, and now posture to daily life. It does not seem remarkable, but I have found that simply doing “the next thing” can be one of the greatest acts of worship in my day.

I do not own a footstool, but I know someone who did.

My grandmother lived with us for a time. I recall sitting at her feet for hours. She would tell me how I needed to alter my daily routine, and I would ask her the questions of a lifetime. How fascinating to see her bible by her chair, hear her talk about granddad and their reunion in heaven, and listen to the tales that only come from the right question and silence.

I could have heard my grandmother’s life on a couch or at the dinner table, but in our experience the footstool accomplished more. It is, simply, a small table on which you put your feet; but it was there that I willingly postured myself under my grandmother’s tutelage.

Mary, the sister of Lazarus and Martha, made the decision to sit at the feet of Jesus, instead of remaining distracted with hostess responsibilities. She just sat and listened to Jesus talk. Can you imagine?

Risking the appearance of doing nothing, Mary’s choice was to sit under the tutelage of Christ. It was inevitably questioned. In her defense, Jesus said, “...there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her (Luke 10:42, NRSV).”

John 12 shows that the better part was not taken away from her; in fact it seemed to have grown. Scripture tells us that Mary brought an expensive jar of ointment into her brother’s house on this occasion. Immediately, she was disparaged by at least one of the attendees for the extravagance.

As before, Mary was not deterred. They did not know that she was going to the footstool to worship.

Amidst the chiding, the looks and the gasps, she walked. At the familiar feet of Jesus she fell. This was the altar at which her offering would be spilled. Posture humble, ointment scooped, with face to the ground she rubbed in the precious scent. Loosening her hair, she wiped, covering His feet.

The intoxicating smell filled the house, as this scene went on for an eternity. Some were embarrassed for this demonstration, certainly for Mary’s constant excessive acts of devotion. They needed no encouragement.

But, Mary’s eyes were on His feet, inspecting the long miles of wear and pondering the few to come. She was anointing, not making a vague gesture. She knew that what He said was true. He was going away. These actions were all that her broken heart could say.

Onlookers were silenced by the second defense from Jesus. In few words, Mary became the gospel embodied, the good news with its face to the floor and aromatic hair. This was worship.

Worship. What was meant for Christ’s burial was used at the footstool. Worship. Mary, with tears and ointment, prepared Jesus for His death.

A footstool seems to need feet to rest upon it, but I have found that it wants more. It wants the humble, the unequal, the intentional and the personal. The work that is done at a footstool is covenant work, important work, sometimes lowly work.

In our fear of being taken any lower than our day demands, this work is often put aside; but when the complete separation between the Father and the self is understood, when the chasm that was overcome is grasped, we finally understand who we are and who He is. Our heart acts in one way to this news...it worships.

After we sit at His feet, we stand at His footstool, this humble marker of God’s greatness. Over this footstool, postured, we are to pour out respect, admiration and devotion with a reverent heart because we are not God. We are the other, the unequal and the object of salvation.

My confusion comes during the day, when my emotions awaken, startled that, again, I am doing the menial. We hear this around every corner. We hate our jobs, our children are ungrateful, I have no life because I am a stay-at-home mom, the church suffers from apathy.

Somewhere in the menial I forget that God dwells where I dwell, and I dwell where God puts me. All dwelling places have the capacity for worship, a footstool.

Each footstool requires the same heart. Each dish to wash, bottle to give, meeting to run, or fund raiser to organize requires that we recognize the dwelling place is often the commonplace. Here the humble heart is the altar and worship is the language spoken over it.

“Posture, not pose” is the heart that can worship where it is put. It is the gospel lived as an act of worship to the Father. It is willingness to sit under the Creator and learn worship from the menial, the elementary, the exhausting and the undesirable.

I believe God is asking me if I can I worship from these places.

Before I answer, He reminds me that posture is not for a moment: it is for each moment.

Getting Out of Your Rut By Expecting Big GOD

Apparently, I do not need one lesson or even two. This is now a completely unintentional series. Enter post number three on the burden of a normal life.

I was cleaning the house the other day and did something that I rarely do, I turned on the TV. I navigated to a religious channel, which is another thing that I rarely do. That Kirk Cameron has really come a long way! Now you can think, “Wow, she really is out of the loop.” He did a lovely job of witnessing to people as I dusted every book in the den. Every. Book.

Another man followed Kirk, briefly touching on the story in Mark about the doubting father. Well, really it is about the boy that needed to be exorcised, but the father is the one with the crisis of faith. He says the words that I love, “If you are able”.

It has often cast him into the fire and into the water, to destroy him; but if you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us.” 23 Jesus said to him, “If you are able!—All things can be done for the one who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” - Mark 9:22 & 23, NRSV

The man on the TV then flipped this passage on me. This is not textually represented, mind you, so this would not hold water in seminary; but I already have my degree, so what are they going to do to me? What if the intent of that statement was - I believe that you can do this, but I doubt that you will do it for me.

Well, I nearly dropped my duster.

My rut has given me foggy spectacles. I am unable to see the spectacular for the filter that covers my heart. I am less likely to think of GOD, and more likely to think of GOD. I know what He has done. I read that. I pray that He will be GOD for those people in my life; but truth be told, I am only expecting GOD to show up in mine.

My litmus test is what we have talked about for two days. When laundry and a smile become insurmountable, I think that I need to get honest about my doubts. I believe He can do anything in the whole world including healing and rescuing, because He has done this for me. He has parted seas and made donkeys talk. He has managed a virgin birth and conquered death. Yep, He is the real deal.

But, in this frame of mind I am not expecting spectacular. I am not expecting favor. I am expecting more of the same. I believe that He can do it, I just doubt that He is going to do it for me.

Can’t you just see Jesus’ face as I state that out loud?

If you are able...

He is able, He will, He can...

And because of this...We are able, We will, We can.

So, let’s do it.

Beating Complacency With One Word

Yesterday, we talked about the burden of a normal life. Click here if you did not get a chance to read it. This must be a lesson that God is driving home to me, and I know why. I am beginning to crawl from under that rock, that place where life can be overwhelming. Simple acts have become daunting and I, alone, cannot bring my will into line.

I was reading Deuteronomy 4:25, this morning,

“When you have had children and children’s children, and become complacent in the land, if you act corruptly by making an idol in the form of anything, thus doing what is evil in the sight of the Lord your God, and provoking him to anger,”

I like the fact that this verse does not say, “If you happen to ever find yourself slipping a little into a tiny bit of a rut, then maybe, you might have a problem.” Nope, it says WHEN you have been attending to life as normal and you become complacent, you are going to rebel.

Complacency...

A feeling of uncritical satisfaction with oneself.

You might say to yourself, “Well I definitely don’t feel satisfied.” Me neither. I do find that instead of trying to act my way through these times, I resign to do nothing about my lack of inspiration. When I say that my housework can wait, or writing that article can wait, or even that someone else can volunteer for a while, I am choosing a certain level of satisfaction for the moment. I am not doing the right thing, but I am doing what is comfortable and that is satisfying me in some regard.

The worst part is that my idol was me. In these times, there is no end to the ways that my life wants to destroy me. I am the center, and the center doesn’t feel like it. We discussed, yesterday how laundry becomes this monster that continues to gain strength as we struggle through each load. What about dinner time? That means that I have to figure out food, I cook, I put it on plates, AND I clean it up. Note the word “I”.

Is dinner in itself the enemy? Or, is the context of my responsibilities the problem?

Sea of Galilee

Dinner is simply a boat on a lake. Laundry is another boat off in the distance. Telephone calls to friends are a kayak that meanders by once and a while. The lake is the context of these responsibilities. This lake can be stormy or it can be still.

I am not sure what the water looks like in these burdensome times, perhaps sludgy. That is certainly how I feel on the outside. On the inside it is active, though. My heart is in turmoil. That is the ravenous storm on my lake. The water will not be still because I am choosing this momentary uncritical satisfaction over the work of the Father.

Then I remember what Jesus did to the sea. He calmed it with a word, and not only did he calm it but he rebuked it. Rebuke here is the same word used for rebuking demons. Think about that for a minute. Jesus has complete control, and if invited He can still this water. What I am unable to accomplish with my will and emotions, He can restore with one word.

No more rocking, capsizing boats or kayaks. The lake is still and the context of life regains His peace. We have taken His burden. This burden is light. We move like lightening under it. All things are accomplished that need our attention each day, and He works out the unfinished for our good.

I am so grateful for the honest hearts that I saw here, yesterday. I am so glad to know that I am not alone! Thank you for fighting this fight with me.

When Normal Life Becomes A Burden

“But if that slave says to himself, ‘My master is delayed in coming,’ and if he begins to beat the other slaves, men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk,” - Luke 12:45, NRSV

No, this is not a whole thought, but I like the idea.

Sometimes, normal life can become burdensome. The act of doing a load of laundry can become equivalent to running a 5k. In these times, I have walked to the washer, stood in front of it staring it down, and turned around in defeat. It was just too much.

On my way back to the rock that I was planning to crawl back under, I passed the dishes that peaked out over the sink. They can be more dangerous than they look. Better leave it for a stronger moment.

Then, there is the weight of relationships. Perhaps, our friends would understand if we don’t want to call them right now, or next week. Being on the phone might waste time and energy. Apparently, I need all the energy that I can salvage if I am going to continue in a battle of will with household appliances. Don’t get me started about the grocery store, the bills, the taxes. These are further evidence of dangerous domestic forces.

And, the poor husband, I could just post a wedding picture and let him think of better days until I get my feet back under me.

This is what the slave in Luke 12:45 teaches me...when our eyes cannot find something more, something bigger, something God, we flounder. In this verse, it is eternal perspective. When we forget that we were built for eternity, minutia can take over our lives. The five minute chore becomes the two hour chore. Our prayers become unintelligible sputters and distracted niceties.

I know, I have been here.

I find it interesting that this slave gives two behavioral options when he loses sight of Christ’s return. He recklessly inflicts harm on others and he inflicts careless negligence on himself. This slave knows of the master. He is directed by a prudent manager and has been given everything he needs to do his work.

Still, this is his struggle. This is my struggle. I take my eye off of Christ and my world starts to swell up. Like inflatable pool toys, the washer becomes a stronghold. Who knows what could happen if I open that lid? Should I be trusted to pour the right amount of detergent onto those clothes?

The growing intensity of the unaccomplished can take over our lives.

I believe careless negligence starts from losing eternal perspective. We have work to do, and it does not belong to us. It is the work of the Father. It is valuable. It does not look like other people’s occupations. He might ask you to do less, but increase the intensity of your tasks. He might ask you to do more, forcing you to rely on those new mercies every morning to accomplish half of what your day needs to produce.

At the point which we neglect ourselves, like dominoes the things around us fall. One day we are kissing exercise good-bye, and the next we are piling newspapers next to the door hoping to take them to the recycling bin...someday. We are becoming reckless and soon we don’t feel like making coffee dates or laughing at our husbands’ jokes. Harm sets in and things start to fall off.

There are only two solutions that I have found. First, I have to come to God in prayer willing to be refreshed. I have to lay myself out in repentance. He delights in teaching me a new perspective, and gently restores eternity in my heart and in my head.

The second tool that I use for motivation is to talk to the woman I want to be. I stand in front of the washer and say, “What would she do?” She would fold the sheets when they came out of the dryer so I wouldn’t be looking at them next week. She would make that appointment now, so we don’t have to have the same conversation, again.

She would be more proactive, and rebuke this negligence with scripture. She would sit at the Father’s feet until He told her to get up. This internal guide works because the Spirit desires to grow us, sees our potential and delights in teaching us.

The choice becomes: I can slowly fall apart or I can be about the Father’s work.

I think that I will go do some laundry.

Putting the Word In Lock Down

“The ones on the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved.” - Luke 8:12, NRSV

You have to give credit where credit is due.

A woman came up to me in the grocery store the other day, warning me about my purse which I had left in the baby seat of the cart. She told me that she had done the exact some thing a few weeks before, in that same store, and someone had taken it. By the time she finished her tale, I was certain that she was creating a ploy to steal my purse by gaining my trust. I watch crime shows.

Lots of things get taken in the city. Someone stole all of the center caps off of our truck, maybe while it was parked in front of our house. We are not sure. These types of things send you into safety mode. Lock down the portals and latch the gates. There are creepers amongst us and they do not care what belongs to them, or not.

These people can touch my purse, our car, our home and our bank accounts...but none of them can steal my thoughts, alter my feelings, or touch the word of God in my life. There is someone who desires that power, though.

Even after we confess the name Jesus Christ with our tongue and believe that he was raised from the dead in our hearts, and even after we have this hope of salvation in our lives, we are objects of prey. The devil wants to empty the word of God from us.

This means that he will encourage us to obsess over schedules. He will create diversions as we look at people we should mimic, or look like. He will make Self-Pity our companion when we are tired. It only seems natural to expect our husbands to understand how hard we have it, right? We will doubt our callings and struggle under the weight of our gifts.

The word is what he is after, and only the devil would ever try to accomplish this. I will give him credit for that.

The reason? It is our lifeline. The word stands between this woman and the darkest powers that I can imagine. This word even tells me how to pray. It needs to be spoken back, shouted back, and sung back simply to live.

“But as for that in the good soil, these are the ones who, when they hear the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patient endurance.” - Luke 8:15, NRSV

For life, we must hear the word. Not just saying words but hear it like we were being told the biggest secret of all time. It is the juiciest morsel of word goodness ever produced. Once we hear it, we have to hold it like a purse, downtown, in the middle of the park, at night. We have to keep it for ourselves, never letting one syllable carelessly drop to the ground. We need to lock it down.

So, I will give him credit for his big ideas, but I know this...he can turn our heads, but he cannot turn our hearts. Amen.

Amen?




Good Things Can Make Us Stumble, Too

“there is nothing outside a person that by going in can defile, but the things that come out are what defile.” Mark 7:15, NRSV

I vividly remember an argument at a group dinner, about 10 years ago. I had made the statement, “Trash in, trash out”. I was not at a choosy point in my life, but I believe the comment related to a well-known, radio “shock jock”.

We went back and forth with our emotional opinions, never coming to anything but disagreement. The memory lingers due to the height of the emotions. He was very adamant that whatever you take in, doesn’t have to affect you. So, listening to radio or TV, or even what you can see on the internet, should not have an effect on your character or morality.

He was right in a way. It should not.

My point centered around the tendency of media to wear us down. Enough exposure develops a life of gray tones.

How do you feel when the bad guy gets murdered? Me too.

Does repentance ever play out in your “who done it”? Me neither.

This conversation brings to mind God telling the Israelites to remain separate from other people, specifically in marriage. He did not do it to harm them, or take away rights; he did it, to preserve their holiness. God told them that if they compromised, they would choose down, not up. There is something in us that will choose the easy and not the hard.

Jesus acknowledges the tension that exists in the human heart at Gethsemane, “...the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41b, NRSV).” He said this to our apostolic fathers, so I am confident that it is true for me.

Our hearts want to please God, but if we are subject to the right thing long enough, we will go to the lowest common denominator. There are exceptions that are a delight to hear, but this is the general rule. I will share my testimony, at some point, and prove it.

Our hearts, also, corrupt the commandments. We make choices that benefit us rather than those that glorify Him. In the context of Mark’s verse, two good things are on the table, honoring parents and tithing, but the heart is the wild card. It holds the intent of our actions.

Some good choices that I face on a regular basis:

Exercise first or Quiet Time first?

How much weight have I gained, and how guilty do I feel that day?

Do something else for someone, or have more time for myself?

Do I really like this “someone”?

Spend time with my husband or write another devotional?

Did I procrastinate? Do I have a deadline tomorrow?

I assure you, I can corrupt just about anything.

Or, how about this? I know that my speech should not be profane. If I am riled up and let a word fly, there is an immediate visceral reaction. I know that I should not do this; but, if I decide to invite people over to dinner when I should leave a night free for my husband to recover from his week, that is a harder call. It requires sensitivity on my part and submitting every little thing to God in prayer. I have to be diligent in this way or I stumble over the good things.

This encourages me: I think that it glorifies God to know we are being diligent in the struggle. Even if we fail, we try to make every choice subject to Him. Instead of taking the short cuts, we stay.

We find a way to stay.

I am looking forward to the relief from this struggle when I go Home.

How about you?

Hard Times Bring Broad Places

“...and have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place.” - Psalm 31:8, NRSV

A couple of years ago, I had back surgery. Aside from all of the uncomfortable things that back surgery brings, I had to deal with the most crushing. Comfortable shoes and cute shoes rarely go together. Oh, the misery at making this discovery.

Don’t get me wrong. I was so grateful to walk that I didn’t care about the details. I would have worn trash bags if I thought it would help.

I remember how pleased I was to hold on to the treadmill bars and walk at 1.0 (that’s right, a sixty.minute.mile), with a handler watching. I wore functional shoes without laces (I couldn’t reach my feet to tie shoes). I wasn’t impressing; I just wanted to know that my foot was on the ground and it was staying there.

Getting through all of this has made me understand the value of a broad, clear place. At no time in the last two years have I worked my stilettos on a runway. I have not worried about how my calves look. I simply put one foot in front of the other. I find security in broad places and flat ground, with frumpy shoes.

I would say that became the landscape of my spiritual life, as well. I am more comfortable here, in a broad place. It has a wonderful, easy feel.

There are events that we experience which set a new pace for our life. We can either fight them or roll with them. We can fall into step with Him, or try to create our own rhythm. I have tried about every rhythm that exists, I don’t recommend it.

In a broad place, I see the hands of God reaching out. I see events happen without explanation. I see love and lives touched. I might have been too busy before the surgery. I feel that I can see Him better and hear Him clearer now.

I had to go through that horrible time, to get to the broad place.

I rejoice in this place. When the enemy pursues me, I can find comfort. I usually don’t have to untangle myself from the mess of the world to find my running shoes on solid ground. In this broad place I know who I am. I can see the One who set me there.

I like it here. I think I will stay.

Do you have events that re-paced your life? Did they put you in the broad places?


Love, Knowledge and Insight...Oh My

We have been talking about Philippians in church lately. Actually, we have been talking about something else in Philippians, not what I am writing about. Sometimes, when I am sitting in church, I read a scripture and mark it for later. Does anyone else do mini bible searches in church? We sit in the front, too, so it is probably a bad idea.

This was the case with Philippians 1:9 & 10, NRSV, "And this is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you determine what is best, so that in the day of Christ you may be pure and blameless."

I have wrestled with this verse because I have to. If you tell me that there is a possibility to determine the best thing to do, I will do everything that I can to figure it out. That is the A-type, need a gold star mentality. There are a lot of words before, "to help you determine what is best". The key ones that I see are love, knowledge and full insight. A-types dread these words because they can be subjective.

So, I go further in hoping for a flow chart. If it is true that love is a tool for proper perspective, then I need that. I see simple math...love increases with knowledge and full insight. So, if I do not love then knowledge and full insight will decrease.

This makes sense. When my husband and I were dating, I had a lot of incentive to get to know him. He was cute...I mean he IS really cute! So, aside from that, he liked me. I had been without a date for two years, and was not looking. I did find myself looking at him when he would walk in a room, however. I might have not loved him, yet, but I wanted to know everything about him.

I wanted to know what he liked and what he disliked.

I wanted to know if he ever shaved that soul patch off.

I wanted to know if he looked just as cute without his glasses.

I wanted to know the way that he spoke to his mother.

I wanted to know if he would like my cooking.

I wanted to know why he didn't turn down the air conditioning more at his house.

You get the picture. I wanted full insight into his life, into his head...and into his heart, eventually.

The more I knew, the more I liked; the more I liked, the closer I was to love. We naturally want to know more about the things that are in our hearts.

I see the connection between knowledge/insight and love, but I need a clarifying verse to really sink into this material. If love goes into hyperdrive with all of this knowledge and insight, then how do I get them?

I found it in Proverbs 2:3-5, NRSV, "if you indeed cry out for insight, and raise your voice for understanding; if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures - then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

To know what is best, not just for today but for every day until my eyes see His face, requires an infatuation kind of love for Christ. It will grow deep and wide, as I know more and love more. As intimidating as it sounds on its own, it comes so naturally to us to pursue the things that we love, to which we are attracted. In this state, we are willing to cry out, ask those questions for more understanding, and search it out like a hidden treasure.

Happy searching, ladies!

It Was All In A Pause

Sometimes, I lose it in the pauses.

This is important because some of the better things in life happen in pauses.

I remember the pause right before my husband kissed me for the first time on the edge of the Grand Canyon.

Pauses in music are good. They allow us to catch our breath for the next line.

When I run, I like pauses. In fact, I prefer them to running on the less fantastic days.

There is nothing like the first pause in a crazy week. The one where you sit in a chair or on the bed and think, “Oh, just give me this moment”, as you breath out slowly.

We pause life when we sit with the Lord.

There is always a pause before someone blurts out that they are pregnant (no I am not).

Pauses are the temporary hold of the present in anticipation of a relentless future. They are brief. They are intentional.

When Jesus had come down from the mountain, great crowds followed him; and there was a leper who came to him and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean.” (Matthew 8:1 & 2, NRSV)

Lord if you choose, you can make me clean.

Pause.

I hear this pause. This man aches from his disease, and his hands and feet are weak. His skin is inflamed. His is alone, but he wouldn’t be able to feel the soft touches of his family, anyway. His eyesight is failing him, and he is in danger of losing his fingers and toes.

And he says, Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean…and then he waits. This pause seems to last forever in my mind.

Sometimes, I lose it in the pauses. I fail to make it though that eternal second, waiting for the answers that I crave. I can’t imagine the other side of that second when a voice will complete all my needs, spoken and unspoken. The interior of a pause can bring the ache of a lifetime.

He stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I do choose. Be made clean!” Immediately his leprosy was cleansed (Matthew 8:3, NRSV).

Unlike my friend, I do not always hear God say, “I do choose”. I do not immediately see that I am free or clean. The landscape and the people sometimes look and act the same.

But, like my friend, I always have a moment. It is my pause. This moment hangs in time while Jesus stretches out His hand to me. He touches His daughter, His beloved. I know that whether He chooses or not isn’t important. It is the pause in His presence that matters.

I think this is on my mind because I still do not feel that the rush of the holidays is over. Are you still going at holiday speed? Do you need a pause?

Some Fudge, Some Fruit, and Some Agreement

Things that I know from this New Year 2010 thing:

Any song by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons makes it a party.

There are still no good shows on TV this week.

I am going to have to work hard to switch over to the Mac that my husband bought me for Christmas, but it is SO COOL!

I need to look at the food pyramid again because I am pretty sure that fudge is not a food group represented therein.

I have not seen, “I want to be more intentional about repentance”, on anyone’s New Year’s resolutions.

Not that I blame anyone, of course. It is not on mine, but let me tell you what I do see. The Christian women who are making goals and resolutions are largely acclaiming the furtherance of the Spirit’s work in their lives. Losing weight, that is self-control. Increasing the intensity of devotional times is faithfulness.

(Here is a thought, what if we set one goal for each fruit of the Spirit? I just thought of that. Interesting method?)

I have found that when we intentionally seek fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) and allow it to be sown, ripened and picked through our lives, we feel more content and intentional about our lives.

So, this arbitrary mark, once a year, makes us stop and feel uncomfortable about the areas where fruity growth is lacking. I have no idea where this discomfort is the rest of the year. I must save it up.

The other source of discomfort is comparison. It is easy to compare ourselves to others and want what they have. This is not fruitful growth, though. It stems from fear, whether it is not feeling adequate or having a poor body image, etc. Donna Otto says, “Faithfulness and fear do not coexist”. That has proven true in my life.

Going back to the topic of repentance...Matthew 1:21 (NRSV), tells us, “She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

That is why Jesus came, to save us from our sin. He saved us from eternity apart from Him, and He saved us from lives without hope and purpose. We are driven to bear His fruit because He saved us from the alternative.

The Savior has claimed the object of His salvation.

This is where repentance becomes real. Repentance means changing one’s mind. It is a movement away from what is now understood as wrong, to right. The movement is the really the important part of it. My favorite understanding of repentance is from a wonderful friend who says, “Repentance is when you finally tell God that you agree with Him”. The object of His salvation moves into agreement with the Savior.

I read this verse last week and it has been playing out in my head ever since then.

Bear fruit worthy of repentance. (Matthew 3:8, NRSV)

Or, if you prefer…

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. (Matthew 3:8, NIV)

The fruit that we bear needs to be worthy of repentance. Our fruit needs to be sown and grown and ripened in the field of repentance. This is the field watered with blood of Christ. It needs to be esteemed alongside the act of changing our mind and moving from what is wrong to what is right for us, and our homes.

Sounds a bit like making resolutions, doesn’t it? The thing that I have not done, while making my resolutions, is repent in the areas that I lacked last year. This verse tells me that it does not start with making more plans to bear fruit in 2010. It starts by pulling my heart in line with His. It starts by agreeing that, in some areas, I was not what I could have been last year. To be honest, there were moments that I simply wasted His time. The reason that I did not accomplish some of these things is my lackadaisical will. I was just lazy. I wasn’t alert. I agree with Him. That was my fault.

Repentance brings our minds in line with the Spirit of Christ, our comforter while He is away. Is it no wonder that fruit can only come from such a humbling act?

Thank you for sharing all of your resolutions for 2010. It has been wonderful to read them and see the places that God wants to grow fruit in your lives. I have read most of them, but I would love to see more. If you are doing resolutions, leave me a comment. I would love to visit.

Reducing The Distance At Christmas

Pilate stands in front of Jesus, saying, “… ‘Have you no answer? See how many charges they bring against you.’ ⁵ But Jesus made no further reply, so that Pilate was amazed.” (Mark 15:4 & 5, NRSV)

He and I, both.

I have been looking at Jesus’ death in Mark. There are a few questions that He did answer,

Pilate asked him, “Are you the King of the Jews?” He answered him, “You say so.” - Mark 15:2, NRSV

Then the high priest stood up before them and asked Jesus, “Have you no answer? What is it that they testify against you?” ⁶¹ But he was silent and did not answer. Again the high priest asked him, “Are you the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed One?” ⁶² Jesus said, “I am; and ‘you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Power,’ and ‘coming with the clouds of heaven.’ ” – Mark 14:60 & 62, NRSV

This is the way that Jesus defends Himself. He didn’t.

I have heard so many hearts that are heavy over the holidays. Some of us are not going into a Christmas extending beyond the stereotypical holiday TV special. It is like celebrating in the mall, pretty but hygienic and void. I have been thinking a lot about this. It can be a stressful time for believers, even a time where we are called to defend our celebration of Jesus.

After thinking about this, I hypothesize that we are accused, questioned, and even attacked for others to avoid dealing with God.

Bear with me. I started running a little while, ago. I do enjoy the feeling after the run. I also love how it gets you in shape, quickly. If you told me that you wanted to become a runner, though, I would not suggest getting trained by a girl 14 weeks into this program and a year out of back surgery.

I am not a perfect, or even a good runner. You need to join a gym, or ask someone who does marathon running to really get into this sport. In fact, I would go so far as to say that my form is horrible. My breathing would be embarrassing to a more trained athlete, and I probably need to learn more to keep from hurting myself. To learn what you need to know, you should go to the pros…not me.

In an awkward way, this translates to my point.

In this world we all share the same thing, we deserve death. All of us were created by the same hand, and we all have this same need for His presence in our lives. It does not matter what we have filled this space with in the past, it was meant for God. This is the same with you and I, and the same with those who critique and accuse us. Yes, even family members.

The difference is simply that we know Him, now. There will be people who you come in contact with this holiday season that know of Him, but do not have a clue who, or that, Jesus really is. They settle on learning about Him from afar, very far sometimes.

Some want to learn about running from afar. These few would be perfectly content learning to run from me so they can safely pick apart everything that I say and critique what they like and don’t like about my technique. They would question why I run in the afternoon as opposed to the morning. Then they would give a whole list of excuses why they do not like running or can’t. This is a luxury they have in my presence, but in the presence of a trainer, they would get chewed up and spit out.

And, on Christmas, when we encounter those who want to pick apart our faith we will hear why they can’t make it to church, or how they are agnostic, or that they are “exploring religion”, or they hate Christians because they are hypocrites. Haven’t we been there, too?

Oh, but in the presence of the Father, they would fall down. They would be speechless. Their head would bow. No more excuses. No more arguments. That is the distance that they fight against. Haven’t we been there, too?

You might be the closest thing that they get to Him this season. Are you imperfect? Sure. Should someone be learning how to run this race from you? Well, maybe, you can start it with them. Point them in a way that leads to His throne. Push them in a way that reduces the distance to the Father.

The lessons that I learn from what Jesus said during His life and death are these,

- We don’t have to say a lot. He didn’t.

- We don’t have to defend Him or ourself. He didn't.

- Everything that we say needs to point to Truth.

As a way of pointing to truth, my mentor tells me to quote scripture to certain people in my life. This way I am never relying on myself for words. If I hear gossip, “You say, ‘We know that God’s judgment on those who do such things is in accordance with truth.’” (Romans 2:2, NRSV). If you are afraid of sounding preachy, you can paraphrase.

The holidays can be hard. I pray that all of you are preparing wonderful times with loved ones. I also pray that you are pushing those who don’t know Christ in a way that reduces their distance to the Father.

Are you going to face difficult family this holiday season? I would like to pray for you. Leave me a comment and let me know.

You Want to Pray for Patience, Really?

When I used to do singles ministry, as I was a single myself, I noticed commonality in prayer life. There are lots of life events that you wait for when you are single. You wait for a husband, a house or a pet. You wait for time to start hobbies or you wait for promotions. This is not to say that you only wait. As you wait, you fill your schedule from morning until night.

I recall many a women’s group at prayer request time. Someone would say, “How can I pray for you?” Without fail the answers rung out, “Pray that I will have patience”. It is interesting how a life can be so busy and, yet, require so much patience. It is like living on both sides of a coin. They were waiting for something.

I was an oddball. Did I pray for patience? False, I did not pray for patience (said like Dwight Schrutte of The Office). This prayer terrified me. Ask God to refine you and He will. There is only one way to get that lesson and I happen to encounter it, still, every time I leave my house. I do not want an extra dose of the lesson ending in patience.

I have also noticed that young mothers do not pray for patience, and if you do maybe that is the problem. God listens and He listens perfectly. Don’t say what you don’t mean. Can’t you imagine Him sitting there thinking, “What in the world is she saying, didn’t I give her a screaming baby, yesterday?”

I have good news for all of those who bravely traverse this land of patience, however. I have found your verse. You are the righteous ones it turns out, so congratulations.

Since all these things are to be dissolved in this way, what sort of persons ought you to be in leading lives of holiness and godliness, ¹² waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be set ablaze and dissolved, and the elements will melt with fire? ¹³ But, in accordance with his promise, we wait for new heavens and a new earth, where righteousness is at home (2 Peter 2:11-13, NRSV).

It says it all right there, what kind of persons should we be if our goal is to look more like our Lord? We need to be waiting people. We are waiting for the return of Jesus and the completion of His promise. Waiting is the active verb in these verses.

Active? Waiting can be active. Although I have been, sort of, kidding about praying for patience, this kind of waiting requires acts of patience, as I am sure you know. Our lives need to settle like a laser beam toward the future, resting only on one prize, going home. In the meantime, we actively wait.

This patience rests in righteousness and promise. It is not patience based on the what-ifs, and I wants. It is generous for God to tell us exactly what we are waiting for, so we can focus our energies on Him. Some days I have to refocus myself, more than once, to remember that my primary act of waiting is not when I start dinner.

So, will I pray for patience? Only if I mean it. I know that it is already promised to me through the Spirit. So, it is a matter of retrieval, not access. I have found that most of my patience problems come from my surrendering problems in the present. You know what I mean?

So, let’s set our laser beams on our future promise, actively waiting together.

Is there something wonderful that you are waiting for in the meantime?

Father, thank you for revealing our destiny to us. Teach us how to actively wait for your return. Fill us with this hope for your promise.

Confessions of a Shopper

“Like obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires that you formerly had in ignorance (1 Peter 1:14, NRSV).”

Well, that is how this verse is supposed to read, but…yesterday what I saw, four times, was, “Like obedient children, do not be comforted by the desires that you formerly had in ignorance”.

I have to tell ya’, I like my misreading. It really spoke to me.

October is my birthday month. So, it is about this time of the year that I start to think of goodies wrapped up in sparkling packages, exploding with ribbons. I strategically insert my material desires into casual conversation, so that my husband knows exactly what to get.

I don’t like surprise gifts. I tell people exactly what I want, and I really mean it. This has been a misunderstanding between my husband and me. I used to tell him exactly what I wanted, and he would try to be creative with it. He ended up spending way more money and energy than was necessary. He knows now that I just know what I want. It is worth making me happy, the simple way.

Every year, my dad gives me some shopping money. He calls it one size fits all, which amuses us to no end. So, every year, about this time I start to dream about what I can get with my birthday shopping money. It gives me a little rush to think of all of that…well, retail therapy.

Yes, I love to shop, if I have the money to do it. At my age, there is not joy in buyer’s remorse or credit cards. So, my birthday brings a little, or potentially a lot, of comfort that can only be found at this time of year.

Unfortunately, I have searched for comfort in this world. I have shopped for comfort, eaten for comfort, escaped for comfort, and exercised for comfort. I have looked to house cleaning, phone calls to friends, TV watching, or working on the computer for comfort, as these tend to be less obvious means. You know what? I can't fix any discomfort like this.

I want to fix things that go wrong. I want to fix them for my husband, my family and my friends. Naturally, when I experience the bad day, or disappointing moments, I want to fix them.

I look out and grab the first thing that I can see, whether it is food or my wallet, and offer a solution. Each year that ticks by, each October that I face, I have to remember that this didn’t fix anything last year. The things that we label as comforting were birthed from false hope. They rely on ignorance for their full effect. What is the most ignorant statement that I can make? THIS is going to make the difference.

To return to the broken for comfort, is a step away from relief. The solution lies at the source of discomfort. Walking into the discomfort usually leads me to the throne of the King.

“Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7, NRSV).”

There is danger in looking for comfort in our leftover, dysfunctional desires; but there is a greater danger in the actual verse. Some people take one more step away, and one more, until they are far from the safest place. This is the true danger of the passage, conforming to the desires that are embedded in ignorance.

This is the subtle change that occurs when one revisits established ignorance to give it another chance. In fact, sometimes we can camp there for a while. It has an effect. It requires more of us, than we do of it. We are changed, conformed.

I do feel that I am a child being told not to touch my presents, but to think, instead. If I have expectations from a birthday, I should just go outside and wish on a rock, instead. It will be just as effective. If I want to experience true joy and celebration, I will take one step back to the throne, and hold my party with someone who cares.

What is that one thing that you are tempted to turn to for comfort, before you turn to Christ?

Father, thank you for caring for us, unlike anyone else. Free us from the ways that we try to comfort ourselves. Let us step toward your throne, reflexively. Take our anxiety and point us to true relief.

Tale of the Sootbottom

The story of this picture has to start with my mother’s visit in July. We were shopping for house goodies and we ran across a couch, reduced 75%. It was in my mother’s favorite color, almost a lime green. How do you explain it? Destiny.

She went home and thought about this couch, they kept reducing it. What is a girl to do, but buy it? So, after the price was right, and the negotiations done, my husband and I picked up the couch from the store. We stored it in the garage for a month while planning a trip to her house.

So, Labor Day finally came. We loaded up the couch and lovingly took it, even in a little rain, to my mom’s house. My husband did an amazing tarp wrapping job. After months, it was all hers.

The couch was in place the day that we took this picture. This is one of many that were taken for my mom’s Christmas card (So, if you are on the list, look away, please.). I am in the back, in the white sweater. The others are sisters and mom. It might be confusing because she looks like she could be my sister (she reads this), but my mom is on the right.

What is interesting and difficult to see is that I am on my knees and somehow my behind is lodged in the fireplace. I did not know the exact location of my behind, nor did I know that gas fireplaces made soot. I was concentrating on bright eyes and avoiding gummy smiles. My husband calls this picture, “Tracy Sootbottoms”.

I was walking through the living room after we were finished when I realized that I had a dark spot on my sleeve. Soot? From a gas fireplace? Novelty. Then I looked over to the brand new, destined to be my mother’s, lime green couch, where I had been sitting after this picture was taken. There was a dark spot on the cushion that was cradling my sootbottom only moments before.

Then I looked to the couch’s perfectly coordinated pillow where I had rested my arm…dark spot. I essentially had carried my sootbottom throughout the house staining every single object that came near me.

That was a lovely couch, and luckily it fared better than my white sweater.

Enter life lesson here…

When I was younger, one of my pitfalls was misunderstanding the influence of one dark sooty spot. It could be a negative friend, dabbling in something that opened up unhealthy doors, or being around that “yes” person. It only had to be a tiny spot, but it spreads.

We, as humans, move down, not up. That is why we are told to find someone that we admire to emulate. I have found AMAZING women who offer their lives in the ministry of writing every day. Please look on the side bar and click until you bubble over. On our own, we move to the lowest common denominator and it takes relationship and encouragement to move against our will.

The easiest way to move up? Be completely focused on Christ. He moves His people up.

This morning I was doing my “morning study thing” (which I would like to make a new name for because I love themes, e.g. Seafood Sundays and Mexican Mondays) and I ran across, James 1:27, NRSV, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.”

In this Christmas card experience, I understood the influence of a spot. We all have them. To keep ourselves unstained by the world, we have to be diligent; even, having eyes on the back of our heads, apparently.

So, ladies, watch your back!

Do you relate to the Tale of the Sootbottom?

Do you have a special name for your quiet times?

Father, thank you for pulling your people up against our nature. Expose the dark areas around us that spread. Let us eliminate these things from our life so that we remain unstained by this world. We need you, Father.