Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Wait

I have already told you that I am praying fervently for something. I should have said that I have received an answer, but I have not received THE final answer. I came home last weekend from a women’s event and got on my knees in my yard. I had to choose my spot carefully, because we have three dogs. I just knelt and wept. I begged God for an answer…and the one that I got was not the one that I was hoping for, but it was such a peaceful, reassuring word. I had purged everything from inside of me, and I looked up. My dog Tess was lying in the grass, staring at me. She was so happy. Tess was created to be a dog; and she is a wonderful dog. There is nothing that delights her more than a stray bug to snap at, or a bird taking flight. I think that she sees herself as responsible for the motion of creation. Nothing in the world matters but the moment in which she is participating. We exist for her amusement and provision. Under this roof, dogs want for nothing. God entrusted our friends to us for safe keeping and we relish in this role of stewardship and friendship. Saying all of those good things, I am kind of jealous. I watch that adorable mug and think about the fact that she is everything that the God of the universe created her to be. Tess cannot screw up being a dog. She is an excellent control group when thinking about the unique creation of humanity. Tess was created with everything that she needs to fulfill her purpose. Snapping at bugs and chasing birds just makes her more of a dog. We will drop everything and watch it, every time. I have free will and a unique purpose. I worry. I sometimes worry about the dogs. I worry about the results of this prayer. After looking at Tess, my eyes locked on this swarm of bugs over the lawn. I don’t know what they were. They were small, and they were being everything that they were created to be, even if this means eating our hibiscus. I just stared at them like a really great screensaver, and then I worried about our hibiscus. AND…then it came. Matthew 5:25-30, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? 28 And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?” I have read this so many times. It is what people like to say to make you feel guilty for thinking ahead/worrying. It was different this time, though. I did not have my bible in front of me; and, as I was locking eyes with my miniscule friends, I knew that God’s Spirit was whispering to me. He was writing His word on my heart and telling me that His plan was already in the works. In the meantime, it is my job to take a lesson from Tess and be what I was created to be. I have to live out my purpose as all of the pieces are being put in place. The answer was…wait. Lord, let us be women who can trust your purpose. Reassure us in our times of doubt or worry. Let us remember our purpose and honor you with it, while we wait.

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