Lamentation Meditation

Lamentations 3:22-24, NRSV,

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“therefore I will hope in him.”

I do not deserve Him. He is steadfast. I can look back at so many times that I have not been steadfast, in fact, I am afraid that I would not even break half on a test. Steadfast. When I am confronted with gossip or when my pride has been wounded, I at least twinge. I desire to act; and all of my resources are calling upon the minions of heaven to keep me from falling. I am movable but He is steadfast, never flinching, never looking to the side, intentional, never ceasing.

I have been prideful in my life. I have refused to let the Lord love me. I struggle with believing that I am deserving of His love, but how I feel does not change who He is. His love never ceases. He will never stop pouring it out on me. It is the very spring from which all other things come. Discipline comes from love, trials come from love. He is jealously in love with me and my heart will find no other resting ground than in His hand. He has shown that His mercies will never come to an end. Believe me when I say, I have tried Him and tried Him. I have said, “yes” and “no”, so many times. Still He is merciful. I cannot understand it. His mercies never come to an end.

Each morning as I get up and I sit in my thinking chair praying and reading His word, I think about the fact that this morning is a clean slate. If I choose to carry yesterday’s accounts into this day, it is my decision. I can end yesterday and every day before that simply by repenting before the Lord. I can loose the people that I hold in bondage to me through forgiveness. I can set them at the foot of the cross for Jesus to work in their lives. I certainly cannot change anyone, nor do I want that responsibility, but I know that He can. He changed me. His mercy is new today, what will I do with it? I will know Him better. I will search the depths of Him through His Spirit. Pour it out on us, Lord.

Great is His faithfulness that He would tolerate me, stand with me, forgive me and love me. Great is His faithfulness that He would watch, as I have spun destruction on all sides of me, and then say, “Enough, my daughter, come and find peace in me”. I was faithless and I was treacherous. Great is His faithfulness as He grows a disciple, a woman, a wife and a home through me. Praise His name.

I was thinking today of when I am satisfied. The truth is I am never satisfied unless I am with the Lord. I am never satisfied with what I do, what I have or who I am. I am never satisfied with what anyone delivers or offers me. Without Him, I carry an insatiable void waiting to be filled by the nearest person or thing. I am only satisfied when I am on my knees, in his presence, offering to Him, existing with Him through my days. It is only then that I am able to walk in this world and know who I am, complete and able.

This is when I know that the Lord is my portion…my soul says it. My soul tells me what it needs. It tells me what will satisfy it. “The Lord is my portion”, says my soul. Oh, how sweet it is to hear that. Praise your name, Jesus.

I will hope in Him. How in these days and in these times I hope in Him. I depend on Him for my next breath in some moments. I hope in His steadfast love. I hope in His mercy. I hope in His faithfulness. He is my portion and my soul sings that truth. He is my hope.

Lord, God, for your own sake you have offered these gifts to us. Father, manifest these brightly in our lives today and always. Thank you for your goodness.