JESUS.WOMAN.WORDS has moved!

This Blog Is Moving And You Are Invited!

2010-08-02T15:39:00.007-07:00

Lord willing, tomorrow is the day that I have been anxiously awaiting!

I told you, last week, that it would happen. And, here it is. Tomorrow this will all be new. Jesus.Woman.Words is officially moving, and changing!

It is completely my pleasure to invite you to my new blogging home. When you come here tomorrow you will be bumped right to me. We can celebrate a blog warming, together.

Blessings.

My Blog Remodel Is Almost Complete

2010-07-29T16:34:00.005-07:00

It might appear that nothing much is going on over here, but that is because I am in the last stages of remodeling this site. I don’t even know if you can still call it this site!

As of next week, Lord willing, everything will look different. At this point, I should say thanks to Darcy at Graphically Designed. Not only is she talented, she is super nice. If you can hold a person’s hand through computerland, she has done that for me.

As of next week, Lord willing, I will have a new title.

As of next week, Lord willing, I will have a new URL.

As of next week, Lord willing, I will be on Wordpress.

Most importantly, next week I want all of my friends to be able to find me. Thanks to Darcy, this should not be a problem. If you come here, you will be sent straight to me. If you subscribe via email, you don't have to do a thing. I will take care of you.

This has been in the works for so long. In fact, I announced it on my 1 year anniversary. At that time Christy and I talked about making our blogs like a cyber living room. If I could take everyone and put them into my living room, this is where we would go. I can’t wait until you join me.

So, please, check back next week and click to my new home.

Blessings.

Discussions From A Car

2010-07-21T11:35:00.005-07:00

I have a sweet friend, who becomes dearer to me all of the time. I have taken her to chemotherapy a couple of times and the conversations we have in the car, or those that I hear in the waiting area have been carving out a place in my heart.

Driving to the office, she told me about her love for God's word. Not just that, but she told me about her struggle with its content. She prays for forgiveness when reading the Old Testament. Not after, but before, because she knows that she will not understand it on her own.

This 83 year old dynamo, sees the Old Testament as perplexing, and Revelation is "spooky". Still it is the only thing she asked for while in the hospital, recently. She can't pronounce the names or the cities but that isn't enough to deter her.

Her favorite passage says that God is slow to anger. That is good news for this feisty female. She hates getting her "feathers ruffled". When she feels anger coming on she prays for God to, "kick Satan's butt and get him the heck outta here."

Being labeled, "quick to anger" is not on her agenda. It is really safest to follow her agenda. In fact, just talking about the possibility of ruffled feathers seemed to make a few stand on end.

I can't help myself. I just love her. I learn more from her Oklahoma phrasing than many sermons that I have sat under.

She teaches me that there is a simplicity to God's word. I love this. When I am with her, I want more of God's butt kicking ability. I don't feel like I have to understand it all, or put it under some theological heading.

I think that a lifetime teaches us this. We craft a language between a sinner and a Savior. The grammar isn't perfect and the spelling is lacking but it is personal. Intensely personal.

A real God, in real life, in real relationship.

The Two Weeks I Look Forward To

2010-07-07T22:27:00.007-07:00

Last week was that time of the summer, again. My nephew stays with me every summer for a couple of weeks, and every year he is a different kid. I love figuring him out and catching up with no mom and dad. Just he and I.

The problem is that he is growing up.

In fact, a friend told me that I will probably only have him for a couple of more summers, at best. She thinks that he will choose his friends over me at 16. She even said he might choose a girl over me.

That hurt.

I was relieved that he still wanted to take our annual trip to the Science Center. We do the exhibits, the planetarium and the IMAX...every time. I will be totally honest though, this is my favorite part. Erosion.

Cause I see this...

So, I will take whatever time he gives me. I just look forward to this time of the year.

Five Years And We Are Still Dating

2010-07-05T20:51:00.008-07:00

I guess that everything started right here.

My friends told me that it was time to make a decision and, after three months of deliberation, I was ready to admit that I liked Dwight. Some people speed their way into a romance, but mine was more like crawling through sand. I was sure of one thing, though; I was ready to make that man my very own.

I was not, however, ready for a boring love story; and, that is how we ended up on the rim of the Grand Canyon at dawn.

One could say that I took matters into my own hands. I decided that I “had” to see the sunrise over the Grand Canyon and I “had” to do this with Dwight, Mindy (Dwight’s dog), and my best friend from college.

We drove up late the night before and camped out until the following morning. The four of us enjoyed a late night screening of Switch, cat naps, and a catastrophic morning brew of coffee.

Truth...Dwight and wandered away sometime in the middle of the night and on the very spot of this picture, we had our first kiss.

From this, I know that it is dark, cold and windy on the rim of the Grand Canyon in the early am. I was grateful that we did not slip to our demise, but I was even more grateful that I remembered what I was doing. I won’t lie, I was SOOO nervous.

We kissed for the first time on Independence Day and we were married on Veterans Day, the following year. Patriotism takes on a whole new light in our marriage.

Listening To God Is Not Always A Polite Experience

2010-06-14T09:19:00.009-07:00

A certain woman named Lydia, a worshiper of God, was listening to us; she was from the city of Thyatira and a dealer in purple cloth. The Lord opened her heart to listen eagerly to what was said by Paul. - Acts 16:14

Lydia.

This is a conversion story worthy of transcription. When I read the story of a woman in the bible, it makes me stop. While men were the primary actors in the unveiling of Christ’s story on earth, there were these women who express the intent of the gospel, highlighted amongst them. In most biblical stories, we see the heart of women in action rather than words. Inspiring.

Lydia was a worshiper. Yesterday, the pastor was talking about the story of Joseph. He came to the point, in the story, where Joseph has found his brothers tending the flock. Joseph was prepared to write up his behavioral analysis and return to Jacob, but as his brothers see him coming they plot to kill him. The pastor asked us, “What do people say when they see you coming?”

They said that Lydia was a worshiper.

She was also a purple cloth dealer. In these few verses, Lydia is identified in many roles, and in verse 15 we see her act of obedience as one who was baptized. Something happened in the middle, though. The Lord opened her heart to listen, eagerly.

Bare with me while I dust off my Greek books from seminary. The word eagerly is not actually in this text. Eagerly expresses the intensity of the word ‘opened’. Here, ‘opened’ is the same word used when a firstborn opens the womb. It is not a lightbulb going off, or a “Hmm, I’ve been wondering about that.” It is a violent crack in what was formerly understood, pushing through disrespectfully. It stops at nothing but complete transformation.

God opened something in Lydia that had been closed. She never even knew that it existed. She saw what she could not see before. She heard words that were completely understood for the first time. One moment she was a worshiper, and the next she was a listener.

The Lord opened her heart. To listen. He opened a soul to create understanding and desire to hear His word. That is what God does.

I would argue that this process does not stop. It seems that I move from one level of understanding to something completely new, as He bursts forth through my heart. He opens what was closed before and I am left on my knees, waiting to hear his voice. I have begun to ask for this in my prayer time.

This process is not polite. It was not for Lydia and it will not be for us. It is not safe. It is not controllable. It is what happens when we listen to the Father.

Blessings, as you listen to the Father, today.

Happy Birthday, Filled With Praise!

2010-06-06T20:22:00.007-07:00

Amy, at Filled With Praise is having her 1 year blog party. Go over and give her your best. I adore her heart. Thank you for being so wonderful, Amy. Keep up the good work!

If you could have dinner with any person (past or present) who would it be?

If I could have dinner with any person past or present, I would have dinner with Rahab. I like a good story, and let’s face it she has one. God specializes in testimonies of change. Her story would be sheer contagious energy.

What is your most embarrassing moment that you are willing to share with the blogging world?

When I was in college, I went to a music festival on a river. There were thousands and thousands of people there, which usually means food and drinks...and port-a-potties. We went to the bathroom in pairs, so there was one girl in the port-a-potty and one girl guarding the faulty door locks. You just can’t be too careful.

I guarded my friend and it was her turn to guard my door. I was almost through with my “errand” when my door opened and I was face to face with a strange man. It would have been fine if my pants had been anywhere but around my knees.

I saw my ‘former’ friend and door guard in the distance turn around slowly, mouth hanging open, and finally exclaiming, “I’m sorry”. She had seen someone that she knew and went to say, “hello”. Because the man in my face was so stunned by what he found, he seemed to be unclear about his next move. This meant that we just stood face-to-face for an eternity, while I scrambled for my pants in front of all the festival attendees.

I can no longer be embarrassed. And, I no longer use port-a-potties...ever.

If you could only use one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

My husband says, “Fabulous”.

I say, “Evolving”.

You found a machine that allows you to fast forward your life to a moment or to rewind your life to a certain moment, but it can only be used for one moment. Would you fast forward or rewind and to which moment would you choose?

I would fast forward to my death bed. My husband and I have a running discussion on who will 'go home' first. I want to prove that I am right.

What is your favorite simple blessing in life?

I asked my husband why his eyes were red one night. He said, “They must be irritated from not having looked at you all day”.

Either way, he is my blessing. I love that man.

My Love of iPhone Apps and Bee Invasions: CR

2010-06-04T08:09:00.009-07:00

I will be completely honest, in my absence I have stored up randomness to pour out at the appropriate time.

My new found pastime is iPhone apps. My husband warned me this would happen.

My favorite is Talking Carl. They say that kids love it, but I can tell you, so do adults. We were on a car trip when I found him, and the whole car was rolling with laughter. You talk into the mic of your phone and he mimics you, but he also laughs when tickled, growls when you leave him alone and makes funny noises when you poke him. It is like having someone else in the room with Talking Carl.

I talk to my dogs with him.

Also in my time away, I visited The Flylady. Anyone else into this? I can’t decide if this will make me legalistic or free. I would love to hear your input.

I watch So You Think You Can Dance every season. I do not watch any other competitive shows, just that one. This season, they changed the format. There are ten finalists, not twenty. They are also going to the contenders homes, blah, blah. I am afraid that it is going to become drama, drama, drama. That is the point that all shows lose me. So, I am willing to see what happens this season, but our relationship could be on the verge of failure. Does anyone else watch it?

The strangest thing that happened last month was a bee invasion. One day, I was letting Tess back in the house and had to scold her for playing with the bees. She thinks it is terribly fun to chase them. I, finally, got her attention and what I saw got mine.

Hundreds of dead bees littered my back patio. It was kind of gray outside and very still. I stood there and analyzed the situation. I think that someone sprayed a hive and they all made it as far as my porch. I sent a picture of it to my husband via text, and then my phone crashed. My phone never crashes.

At this point, probably from watching Fringe, I got the idea that the world might be ending. I am not sure how I got from dead bee invasion to that, but it felt right. So, I stood still trying to reboot my phone and check for signs of other life.

Still more weird, I went to my neighbors and they had no bee invasion, only me. My husband had to clean them up with a blower because there were so many.

I know, right?

There is more where this came from, and I am looking forward to more randomness with Andrea, at Under Grace and Over Coffee, next Friday!

Are You Suffering? Have You Suffered?

2010-06-01T10:34:00.007-07:00

When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.

Now there were devout Jews from every nation under heaven living in Jerusalem. And at this sound the crowd gathered and was bewildered, because each one heard them speaking in the native language of each. Amazed and astonished, they asked, “Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? And how is it that we hear, each of us, in our own native language? -Acts 2:1-8, NRSV

Now, erase every word you have ever heard on these verses.

Think of this as a picture. All of us in one place, and the rush of violent wind surrounding us. Between us, above us, around us, tongues that look like dancing fire, searching for their keeper. On each of our shoulders, a new, linguistic identity rests.

We speak these new words. We experience them in our heads, hearts, rolling off of our tongue. These are the words appointed to us. We are given the ability to speak them and share them.

As I sat on the couch one day, this picture came to me so clearly. I had just received a phone call from another friend seeking to console me. My husband and I had, what I will call, a “life event” early this month. I know you also have these life events, too.

My friend did not know what happened to us, but comforted me as I revealed my absence from blogging. As her concern and kind words rolled over me, I heard her say, “I am experiencing a season of suffering, also”. Divine appointment revealed.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. -2 Corinthians 1:3 & 4, NRSV.

As she revealed her story, my heart broke for my old friend. Our situations were completely dissimilar, but I understood the intensity of each word. I understood the language that breaks through condition, preference, lifestyle, and choice.

This month, I have found the common language of suffering that rests on all of us at some point.

We all speak a strain of suffering. We have our own brand, our own dialect, on which we lay claim. The most important thing to remember is that while our experience looks, smells, feels different from our sisters, our suffering and consolation are more similar. They are purposeful, crafted, directional. They begin, rest in, and end with the Father.

We all have the ability to understand this language.

I wish that I could bring all of you who have stood with me into a room and take turns hugging and feeding you. (That is intimacy where I come from.) What a gift that not one of you withheld prayer or words from me. You have taught me and healed me in so many ways.

When suffering is spoken, hearts unfold, reach out, lock each other in a hedge of protection, and forever become the object of mutual consolation. That is my experience.

If you are suffering, or even simply struggling, I encourage you to trust your sisters with that sacred biblical task of caring for you. It is a privilege to walk through trials appointed to us, together. Email me and I will be overjoyed to intercede for you.

If you have come through a time of suffering, reach out to another who needs consolation. Remember those who stood around you in your suffering, and extend that same love to someone else.

I have thanked all of you for this last month, but I will do it again. Thank you for your patience, your words, your prayers, your comments, your love and your hearts. I have rested in each of them.

Out of Suffering and Into Healing

2010-05-17T07:22:00.004-07:00

Yesterday, at church, I sat down in front of a friend of mine. I turned to her and said, “When you are suffering, isn’t this the hardest place to be? Here, everyone knows your business.” She and I started talking this common language of suffering. What a relief to hear another heart that hurt.

I didn’t have to pretend. I didn’t have to excuse myself. I didn’t have to worry if I seemed too happy.

I have been suffering. This is a wonderful biblical term that can include anything from dealing with difficult relationships, to the death of loved one, to physical illness, to persecution.

Mine is a specific brand of suffering known to many women. I have cleared my schedule and dealt with this at the feet of my Hope, My Restorer. Closer than my breath, He has stayed near, leading me into healing.

Jesus is the only one who can heal emotional wounds. That is so humbling.

True mourning and true healing is a process unfamiliar to me, but how grateful I am to bend under it.

I know that some day I will write and write about it, but for now it is still an active process.

Thank you to those of you who have written me, or spoken with me. In this world of blogging, it is refreshing to be reminded that this is about relationships. Real relationships. Your notes meant so much to me.

I am really looking forward to catching up on everyone’s blogs. If you have done something fun in the last couple of weeks that I can’t miss, please, leave me a comment.

Also, the May edition of Exemplify Magazine is out! The theme of this month is faithfulness. I learned so much while writing that article, so be sure to pop over if you have the chance. It is always an encouragement to me.

Worship In Posture, Not Pose

2010-04-29T13:23:00.010-07:00

“Let us go to his dwelling place; let us worship at his footstool.” - Psalm 132:7, NRSV

The motto for my husband’s company is “Posture, Not Pose.” If I had to choose a motto for worship, it would be the same. It made me think about worship’s posture.

Of course, it would be inseparable from the heart, complete with singing and blessing of God’s name, perhaps an intermittent cymbal. I saw grandiose pictures of it in my mind, and places in my life where it could be implemented. To be honest, the more that I managed the vision, the more it started to look like a spiritual spa. I felt dangerously close to “pose.”

I needed something more useful to me. Once I told a friend who was struggling with her fate that fulfilling her purpose was an act of worship. I now have to ask, was I consoling her or was this true?

I could not help but attach the invitation to God’s footstool with posture, and now posture to daily life. It does not seem remarkable, but I have found that simply doing “the next thing” can be one of the greatest acts of worship in my day.

I do not own a footstool, but I know someone who did.

My grandmother lived with us for a time. I recall sitting at her feet for hours. She would tell me how I needed to alter my daily routine, and I would ask her the questions of a lifetime. How fascinating to see her bible by her chair, hear her talk about granddad and their reunion in heaven, and listen to the tales that only come from the right question and silence.

I could have heard my grandmother’s life on a couch or at the dinner table, but in our experience the footstool accomplished more. It is, simply, a small table on which you put your feet; but it was there that I willingly postured myself under my grandmother’s tutelage.

Mary, the sister of Lazarus and Martha, made the decision to sit at the feet of Jesus, instead of remaining distracted with hostess responsibilities. She just sat and listened to Jesus talk. Can you imagine?

Risking the appearance of doing nothing, Mary’s choice was to sit under the tutelage of Christ. It was inevitably questioned. In her defense, Jesus said, “...there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her (Luke 10:42, NRSV).”

John 12 shows that the better part was not taken away from her; in fact it seemed to have grown. Scripture tells us that Mary brought an expensive jar of ointment into her brother’s house on this occasion. Immediately, she was disparaged by at least one of the attendees for the extravagance.

As before, Mary was not deterred. They did not know that she was going to the footstool to worship.

Amidst the chiding, the looks and the gasps, she walked. At the familiar feet of Jesus she fell. This was the altar at which her offering would be spilled. Posture humble, ointment scooped, with face to the ground she rubbed in the precious scent. Loosening her hair, she wiped, covering His feet.

The intoxicating smell filled the house, as this scene went on for an eternity. Some were embarrassed for this demonstration, certainly for Mary’s constant excessive acts of devotion. They needed no encouragement.

But, Mary’s eyes were on His feet, inspecting the long miles of wear and pondering the few to come. She was anointing, not making a vague gesture. She knew that what He said was true. He was going away. These actions were all that her broken heart could say.

Onlookers were silenced by the second defense from Jesus. In few words, Mary became the gospel embodied, the good news with its face to the floor and aromatic hair. This was worship.

Worship. What was meant for Christ’s burial was used at the footstool. Worship. Mary, with tears and ointment, prepared Jesus for His death.

A footstool seems to need feet to rest upon it, but I have found that it wants more. It wants the humble, the unequal, the intentional and the personal. The work that is done at a footstool is covenant work, important work, sometimes lowly work.

In our fear of being taken any lower than our day demands, this work is often put aside; but when the complete separation between the Father and the self is understood, when the chasm that was overcome is grasped, we finally understand who we are and who He is. Our heart acts in one way to this news...it worships.

After we sit at His feet, we stand at His footstool, this humble marker of God’s greatness. Over this footstool, postured, we are to pour out respect, admiration and devotion with a reverent heart because we are not God. We are the other, the unequal and the object of salvation.

My confusion comes during the day, when my emotions awaken, startled that, again, I am doing the menial. We hear this around every corner. We hate our jobs, our children are ungrateful, I have no life because I am a stay-at-home mom, the church suffers from apathy.

Somewhere in the menial I forget that God dwells where I dwell, and I dwell where God puts me. All dwelling places have the capacity for worship, a footstool.

Each footstool requires the same heart. Each dish to wash, bottle to give, meeting to run, or fund raiser to organize requires that we recognize the dwelling place is often the commonplace. Here the humble heart is the altar and worship is the language spoken over it.

“Posture, not pose” is the heart that can worship where it is put. It is the gospel lived as an act of worship to the Father. It is willingness to sit under the Creator and learn worship from the menial, the elementary, the exhausting and the undesirable.

I believe God is asking me if I can I worship from these places.

Before I answer, He reminds me that posture is not for a moment: it is for each moment.

A New Lesson On Fishing

2010-04-27T09:32:00.006-07:00

This Sunday we had a guest speaker. I really look forward to hearing him when he is able to make the trip. Different voices can spur me to action. Different perspectives can convict me in new areas. I download sermons and speeches to my IPod so I, at least, have the option to learn when waiting on my car or in a doctor’s office. Sometimes, I just play Bedazzled.

The topic this Sunday was loving those who do not have a relationship with Jesus.

You will notice that I do not blog every day. Yesterday, I had every intention of blogging but my day took a different turn. I accompanied a relative of mine to an annual series of testing. My job is to accompany, listen, remember, write down, schedule, wait and drive. Glamorous...no, a privilege..yes.

I was able to spend the rest of the day with my family, and had a scrumptious dinner at the restaurant where we had our rehearsal dinner. It was a wonderful, abnormal day.

It seems that I have more abnormal days than normal, anymore. This wasn’t always the case, but I am learning to take the day as it is prepared for me. I pray about it, so it must be right.

The more that I embrace the abnormal schedule, as opposed to the predictable schedule, I have more experiences with people who do not have a relationship with Jesus. I see this trend growing in my life.

As a blogger, I interact with other women of faith, which thrills me; but, as a believer, I am called to live the commission to which we have all been appointed. Jesus commissioned us face-to-face, and I still believe in the power of human contact when doing ministry.

If I am to be completely honest, I pray for these opportunities to be used by God, yet, when it involves loving strangers I find that I am a little shy to complete them. Love can cross this timid line which makes me second guess extending my love to the unknown. It is a place that I need to grow in understanding and in truth.

Perhaps, I misunderstand how to love a stranger.

This Sunday, one simple point in the sermon cleared so much up for me. I learned the right way to fish for men. These fishermen that Jesus spoke to were fishing with a net. When you fish with a net, you catch all kinds of stuff. Our job is not to sort the fish, but to love. We let the angels do the dirty work of the sorting. We just love on everything in that net.

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was thrown into the sea and caught fish of every kind; when it was full, they drew it ashore, sat down, and put the good into baskets but threw out the bad. So it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come out and separate the evil from the righteous...” - Matthew 13:47-49, NRSV

Simple?

Not for me.

This Sunday I learned that to love...

I need to intentionally place myself amongst those who do not know Jesus.

I need to act lovingly by speaking the name of Jesus to those who do not know Him.

I need to forget about sorting and just love.

This changes so much for me.

Does it change anything for you?

I Don't Want For My Mall Hair To Come Back Around

2010-04-23T12:25:00.010-07:00

The other day, I was standing with some high school girls discussing their recent pictures. I carelessly made the comment, “One day you will look back at those skinny jeans and think, ‘What was I doing?’”

Some of you can think back to the folding and rolling up of jeans and t-shirt sleeves. That and some Keds, with scrunchy socks, and you had a killer outfit.

They looked at me like I was crazy.

(I would like to preface the rest of this post by saying that I grew up in Texas. Texas also gives you an insight into my boots.)

See, I know what it is like to look back at a picture, knowing that you were following trends.

This is my hair in the 9th grade.

I know, right?

This was my hair in the 11th grade.

The older I get, the less solace I find in the phrase, “Don’t worry, it will come back around.”

Today, I declare, “I don’t want for some things to come back around!”

For more Caffeinated Randomness, visit Andrea at Under Grace and Over Coffee.

Two Ways To Get Rid Of Unused Stuff And Throw A Party

2010-04-21T10:07:00.010-07:00

My entry way with everything ready for donation. It exhausted Maggie.

This was the scene after my recent "Garage Free". I spring cleaned and realized that there was just too much stuff...too much stuff! I told you that this was coming up, but what I failed to show was what became of my house. My husband helped me set up stuff on tables in three rooms. The doors opened at 5pm and it was a free spree, until the women's leadership team meeting started in my living room at 6:30pm.

The goal: To give away enough stuff so that we could meet in the living room.

I served cold beverages and tried to "sell" my friends items that I had no use for. They, in five years, will probably come to the same conclusion and hopefully bless someone else with all of their goodies. I am happy to say that it was not overcrowded, as my guests staggered their timing. All that was left was donated. My house was freed.

Upon planning all of this, I heard of another way to get rid of unused stuff that sounded a little more fun. I got this information from a friend, who has a friend...you get the idea.

So, this Mrs. X invited over her friends and told them all to bring five items, or so. Each person was given their own sticker color, or type, on arrival. Then they put all of their items out for everyone to inspect. If someone was interested in an item, they put their sticker on it.

If there was more than one sticker on an item, these individuals had to compete for the item. This can be with trivia cards or any game that causes people to laugh hysterically. The idea is to keep it moving while laughing a lot. Keep a camera around! The winner took the item home, of course.

Really, the decision lies in the amount of time that you have. You can get rid of stuff, quickly, like me; or you can spice it up and have a new reason to party. Whichever way you choose, have a blast!

Feeling Stuck And The Decision To GO

2010-04-20T09:44:00.008-07:00

I serve on the women’s leadership team at my church. I have had this “burden” for women’s ministry for several years. It was the first area of the church that God appointed me, and it has been my passion ever since that time. In fact, I went to seminary because I became aware that my teaching had reached a place that needed to be more informed. My love for learning seemed perfectly matched for His call to preparation.

That being said, I serve on a wonderful women’s leadership team. I can’t even tell you the things that we laughed about at the last meeting. I really can’t tell you in writing...too incriminating. Oh, and we did a lot of business, too.

I had the opportunity to go to the YouLead conference with these ladies a few weeks ago, and it was incredibly helpful. I recommend it for your women’s leadership team, if it is in your area.

The topic of one session was, ‘going with God’. We all pray that, right? We want to be available for God to use us, expanding His ministry through us, or maybe we just pray that on good days. Nonetheless, I would say in the blogging world most people desire increase, not decrease. Most people living their ministry, desire more influence, not less. I am not necessarily talking about numbers, but hearts ripe for transformation.

At the conference, Chris Adams challenged us by saying that you cannot stay where you are and go with God. When she spoke these words, my head whipped around because she was on the mark. You cannot stay where you are and go with God. You have to find where God is working and join Him there. This is a great definition of ministry.

Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, the Son can do nothing on his own, but only what he sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, the Son does likewise. - John 5:19, NRSV

Jesus could do nothing on his own. He saw the Father working and He copied that. He only worked where He saw His Father.

I wonder how my efforts would look if I diligently looked for the Father, if I watched His course and made my plans around that, and nothing else?

I would save time.

I would save heartache.

I would save headaches.

I would be with the Father.

Would your efforts look different?

When Fierce Love No Longer Works In A Family

2010-04-19T08:54:00.008-07:00

I have been asked to write about family several times, but each time I chicken out. My family reads this...my mom, my sister, my mother in-law, my aunt-in-law (love your emails, Aunt Connie!). I am sure that many of you know what I am saying. Some life lessons, you can’t just put out there if it could hurt other people.

So, my disclaimer to this post is that it does not concern any of these family members. In fact, this post is about anyone who has an object of fierce love, especially the kind we assign to family members.

Fierce love is different from other kinds of love. Fierce love is what happens when someone talks about your sister. You can talk about your sister, but that privilege does not extend past you.

Fierce love is willful.

Fierce love is disappointing.

Fierce love aggressively invades your life and their life.

To test what kind of love I have for these individuals who hang on to my prayer list with sighs and head shaking, I have decided to check myself with this verse...

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NRSV

If I am honest, I have fallen into fierce love which is a twisted earthly ambassador of its pure inventor. I find that I am not bearing anything well, or believing that they will ever change. I lost my hope with trying, and I cannot think of enduring in this state forever. Sound familiar?

I am finding that fierce love is what makes my sister mine to love, mine to fix. We are bonded in a way that no one else can understand, and I have the right to feel territorial. It should not be a surprise when one of these objects of fierce love becomes the reminder of where we end. Oh, what a difficult day that can be!

I was talking with someone recently who said she was done. She could not put her heart into her family problems anymore. It left her empty and the drama left her tired. I know what she means.

Then I realized that this is a moment of hope, not defeat. I just kept hearing, “Good, you end here.” It is good that we end. It is good that we understand that God is in the places that we cannot go. We are not capable of changing, enlightening, altering, or loving someone into submission, or (my favorite) reality. We end in defeat and He begins in power.

Have you ever been there? Have you invested yourself in a person who just can’t seem to get it together? They bring you the greatest hope and follow it with the greatest defeat. Always hand in hand, this roller coaster makes you want to say, “Enough, if I don’t get off now I am going to be sick!” That is exactly how fierce loves affect us. We want to ride with them until we realize that they are the only ones enjoying themselves, or we are going to, physically, throw each other off this ride.

We have to make a conscious decision to get off this roller coaster.

What a moment of trust that it takes when we look at God and admit that this object of our fierce love has remained that way out of our pride, our ego, our last name. We have not turned this person over completely to Him because somehow we believe that God honors our vested interest and our shed tears. How many tears has He cried over our family members?

So, there is an end. At this end, we know that the only thing that we can do is pray. Why? Because this is when we claim His power. We trust that He will, not can but will, do infinitely more.

He will do it because He loves them more than we can imagine, more than fierce love.

Have you fallen fiercely in love?

Prayer for Amy Beth

2010-04-13T10:39:00.008-07:00

There are many women gathered in prayer today, for Amy Beth of Ministry So Fabulous. I am so encouraged when this happens in the blogging community, because this is the only way to be useful to Amy Beth right now. This girl is suffering. Please lift her name up to the ear of the Father for the healing of her body. If you feel inclined, you can join many others and link your blog to a day of prayer for her. This link can also provide updates and specific prayer needs.

Thank you.

He Covers Me, Today

2010-04-13T10:19:00.007-07:00

I am doing errands this morning. It is not remarkable, and not even close to heroic. Even in these small tasks I need the covering of the Lord. Perhaps, it is because I prove each day that I can mess up anywhere. Can I get a witness?

I just don't want to miss out on Him. I don't want to miss a thing that He does, today. Because of this, I have to rely on Him to do everything.

This morning, during my prayer time, I wrote,

Today, cover the work of my hands.

Cover the thoughts in my head.

Cover the movings of my heart.

Cover the blindness of my choice.

Cover the cruelty of my flesh.

Cover the words from my mouth.Cover the direction of my feet.

Cover the safety of my path.

Cover this woman from the influences of this world.

Cover me with your word, your Spirit and your love.

Cover me, today.

Today, is all that I am expected to accomplish. This moment is all that I am expected to live in. Getting dog food and groceries is no less of a spiritual course than the rest of humanity. Today, this is my task and I have to trust in the only One who can cover me.

A Great Weekend In Review

2010-04-11T21:45:00.013-07:00

Invigorating and tiring. That is how I would explain this weekend. I had so much fun with the girls. As we get older, simply being a girl can become a rare opportunity. Responsibilities take over and 'girl time' becomes a privilege. We should giggle and talk about frizzy hair. I am happy to say that I had my dose of it, in its most unadulterated form for two days.

When the high school girls come to my house for these mini-retreats (as Lauren called it in her comment on Friday, loved that), we are simply girls. I might get more out of it than they do. We followed our schedule pretty closely. I don't have pictures of every single thing, but I will give you some highlights.

We went to the tea...

Our hostess (the woman standing in the white pants), who serves on our women's committee with me, spoke about individual expression in our homes. She is a phenomenal interior designer and faithful woman. I am excited to make some of the changes she suggested. More to come on that.

The tea was a great time to be a girl with some of my favorite girls...

The woman standing in this picture (she doesn't have her heels on so look right above everyone's head) is one of my favorites, her name is Elizabeth. She just started blogging over at Caffeinated Grace. Drop in and say hello, if you have a moment. BTW, she is hysterical and her posts show it.

Speaking of girls, here is one of my senior high girls...

They also had a blast sitting in my husband's car and playing with the IPad...

We went to the Rock and Worship Roadshow, and all that I can say is, "Wow!". We worshiped the King until we had no voices left and our feet were sore. What an awesome experience to worship with thousands of other believers. The name of Jesus was lifted up on Saturday night. I am still on a cloud. I Facebooked pictures from the concert, taken with my camera phone. You can basically tell that I was somewhere with bright lights. If you haven't done so already, friend me on Facebook and you can see them.

But before we got in, we waited...

My husband is on the left, his friend who visited us this weekend is in the middle (his wife, Amy, blogs over at Evidence of Creativity...amazingly gifted!), and our youth pastor is on the right. Again, to the one on the left...nice, right? I know. I just love that guy! He has had so much fun with his friend this weekend. They have seen a car show, played Wii, eaten, laughed at things I don't understand; AND, since he was in town, my husband stayed at his hotel so the girls and I could have the house all to ourselves. Nice!

All and all, it was a great weekend.

Something You Didn't Ask About...CR

2010-04-09T10:22:00.010-07:00

Today is, indeed, random as I follow our fearless leader, Andrea, into another Friday. See more of her over at Under Grace and Over Coffee.

I am getting ready for a sleepover. No, it isn't a bunch of 30 somethings trying to recreate their girlhood. There is nothing fun about a bunch of women who are ready to call it a night at 9:30pm. That is if they didn't accidentally have caffeine past lunch.

My senior high girls are coming over!

This means junk food, Jesus, more food, and musicals (usually Enchanted with audience vocals) as loud as we want them.

Our plan...

Dinner out (I will let them pick, of course.)

Musical and snacks (because they have different metabolisms than a 30 something)

Table Talk for Teens (upon request, before bed)

Get up to devotional and breakfast (usually they are more excited about breakfast)

Off to the tea thrown by our women's committee at church (this means getting spiffed up, but I have my own bathroom so the world is good)

Another feeding (Of course, they get to pick.)

Then the piece de resistance, we are going to The Rock and Worship Roadshow. This means getting in line at 3, for a 4:30 door opening, for a 6pm concert. For this 30 something it means comfortable shoes, sunscreen, hand sanitizer and a bottle of water. For them, it is fun with lots of people they don't know.

Then, everyone goes home and I crash hard.

Just another day in youth ministry. I love those girls! Pictures will be coming, I'm sure.

Women in the Word @Exemplify

2010-04-07T06:23:00.010-07:00

I anticipated April for many reasons. Only one, of which, was the flip flops and t-shirts. There is something else, though...

As many of you know, I just love the Exemplify Online team. I have written for Exemplify's Devotional Channel for several months (I am bad with time, so probably longer). This is the channel that I always write about, but there are several other channels to meet every need imaginable, such as a Family, Marriage, Singles, and a Ministry channel.

This month has brought a new relationship, as I was invited to join the Exemplify Magazine team. This ministry has a thirst and hunger for glorifying the King. It ministers to me much more than I contribute to it, and I am thrilled to be a part of it.

While this month's column was a testimony/introduction to my presence on the team, the April theme of the magazine is worship, and that is exactly what it does. It worships His name.

Without further delay...

I can’t really explain how it happened, but somewhere along the way I lost my life.

It was not the same scenario as losing my keys, or setting down my tea cup and forgetting where I put it. I do things like that all of the time. I did not forget the location of my life. I just lost it.

When this lost life began, it could be said that I was off to a good start. My family encouraged me to know the Lord, and the church body knew every move that I made. In fact, I was in church every time the key turned.

In response, it became irresistible for me to know something else. Rebellion was a sash that I wore as if I had won its pageant.

To read more, click here and visit April's issue of Exemplify Magazine.

Window Shopper Deux

2010-04-06T08:01:00.008-07:00

My dear friend Victoria over at Let the Son Shine, is doing a new meme on the first Tuesday of each month. I simply love it. It gives us the opportunity to rummage through the archives of the blog to a time when no one, and I mean not a person but my husband and one or two friends, read it.

I need to see some of these lessons, again. I need to hear past-Tracy tell me to intentionally put on the fruits of the Spirit if I want to see them in my daily life. What a challenge! Isn't it amazing how we continually need the same words?

BTW, my husband did the artwork for this post. How adorable?

So, here is Window Shopper from March 10, 2009...

Colossians 3:12-15, “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. 13 Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful.”

Upon my initial reading of this verse, I thought to myself, “Isn’t it great that Paul loved clothing as much as I do”? I have been trying to picture this scenario for the average woman, as we walk into a department store, up the escalator and saunter into our favorite clothes area.

Immediately, things start to pop out at us and we travel to them, seemingly effortlessly. My mother’s favorite color for clothing is lime green, she moves faster in a department store than anyone that I have ever seen, so off to any lime green sweater vests she would go. I am trying to spiff up my church clothes, so I would be off to the button up shirts and slacks (I am horribly predictable).

What would the clothing of compassion look like in our department store? How about kindness, humility, meekness and patience…what about love? Would we be subject to the endless row of sweatpants with the fruits of the spirit embroidered on the rear end? Would it be emblazoned across the drop neck tees, perhaps with glitter? Maybe it would be hanging from a bright golden necklace…unmistakable to strangers that we do indeed possess these amazing fruits. Is this good enough, or is it window shopping the Spirit?

I found a litmus test for myself in these verses. Verse 13 tells me that “putting on” compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience can be seen through my bearing of others. The way that I deal with others tells me what I need to know, like dealing with the lady at the cash register, or the young girl that just laid down on the floor screaming for a new pair of humility sweatpants…or my husband.

What is happening in my heart and head can tell me if I am window shopping. Here is a big one; I can look at the way that I am willing to forgive the past and present mistakes of those around me, by loosing them on earth and laying them at the foot of the cross for Christ to work in their lives. This tells me if I am a spiritual window shopper.

And love…it leads to perfect harmony (Love = Perfect Harmony). How many of us have perfect harmony? Do we let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts? I say that again…let the peace of Christ rule in my heart.

I come across people, all of the time, window shopping for peace. I want peace. That cannot be window shopped; it is Christ living in our hearts and taking the hits that confuse us and leave us spiritually bankrupt at the end of the day. Why? Because we are His, holy and beloved. Holy and beloved.

Thank you Jesus for making us your beloved. Thank you for taking the hits for me today. Take us away from window shopping so that we can experience you. I pray that each of you will let the peace of God reign in your lives.

Friends, Come and Get It

2010-04-05T08:31:00.001-07:00

What a wonderful week! I feel refreshed and ready to take on a new month. Seriously, how is it already April?

First, I have to share the most impactful quote that I heard at the YouLead Conference I attended a week ago.

"When God gives us a command, we don't need to understand his directive, we need to understand his authority." - Chris Adams

I will let that simmer.

So, obviously, I have been challenged since my last post. I have also had more time to focus on Easter week. I breathe a sigh of relief as Sunday rolls around and I can say, "He is risen, the Lord is risen, indeed!" I hope that you had a meaningful Easter.

This week was filled with other things besides preparing for Easter. It was time to spring clean. Two years ago, I had back surgery. So there was no spring cleaning in 2008 or 2009. Are you following me here? There has been cleaning, but no spring cleaning.

I am slowly spelling out that 2010's spring cleaning is gargantuan. I got married a little over three years ago, so this year was the first year I felt the authority to throw out any pre-us belongings. When we got married our stuff got married, which means that our stuff has been growing since 2006.

There are two positives from this...

NUMBER ONE,

This might look like pictures of a kitchen, but this is a picture of my kitchen after 5 days of cleaning. Every excess dish discarded. Every shelf liner washed. Pantry is cleaned out and rearranged. I, now, only own cleaning products that I use. I mopped the floor once and steam cleaned it twice. No longer does unidentified goo run down the sides of the trash can. That thing that I found in a ziploc in the back of the cabinet...gone. PERFECTLY. CLEAN.

NUMBER TWO,

Now my friends will do the rest. I am putting it all in my dining room, which was also spring cleaned, and it is the job of my girlfriends to come and get what they want. One way or another all of this stuff is leaving my house. What do you think? I supply the coffee and they take what they can carry?

Pictures from the Road Trip and an Easter Break

2010-03-29T13:59:00.011-07:00

Thought that I would share some of my road trip with you today...

These are some of my traveling companions, aren't they precious?

And goofy?

I was able to visit the Mission San Xavier del Bac with some of my church girl friends. We had so much fun. Look at these...amazing!

As it is Holy Week, I am going to take this time away from my blog to soak in the incredible season. I am so excited that the celebration of the resurrection is at hand. I will be visiting around your blogs, so if you have anything wonderful to share please leave me a comment, I would love to visit you.

I hope that you have a wonderful week.

CR: When A Woman Takes a Road Trip

2010-03-26T05:26:00.006-07:00

Double checked everything...again, check.

Kiss sad looking dogs...check.

Gas pump cutting off prematurely...check. Too excited to wait, so just hope you don’t run out before you get there...check.

IPod...check.

-Road trip playlist. This could be the most important element of the trip. You never know when you need to rock down to electric avenue, or come to Steve Perry with open arms. You might feel a bit like a redneck girl, especially if you are wearing your boots.

-I would never assume your style of worship, but these favorites are essential to any road trip. God likes a good road trip. You can get a lot of spiritual business done in a car.

-You can also listen to episodes from The Office. This revolutionizes the road trip.

Other unhappy drivers bent on ruining road trips, check...

-Don’t pay attention to the weavers. These are the ones that speed and want to move from the left to the right lane between each vehicle.

-Don’t pay attention to the speeders and breakers. They speed one minute and break the next. Also, don’t follow too close behind them.

-Ooh, what about the ones that speed up every you try to pass them?

One snack minimum...check. HUGE bag of almonds that 10 people could share. What if I got lost?

Large bottle of water...check. It cannot possibly fit in a cup holder. Maybe we need one XL cup holder per car.

Camera...check. Always take a camera!

Directions to the destination...check. This can be easily forgotten in the excitement, but it is essential. They can also be used as a lipstick blotter.

Learn a lot about women’s leadership teams and women’s ministries...check, check, check. Dwelling and resting, friends, DWELLING AND RESTING.

Need help finding my room...check. Someone had to lead me to it, but she had trouble finding it too!

Giggle with my girlfriends who I happen to serve with...check.

Text hubby all day with updates...check.

Text hubby pictures from dinner and make him guess where I ate...check.

Text hubby pictures of hotel room...check.

Call hubby twice to tell him goodnight...check.

I love road trips!

For more Caffeinated Randomness on a Friday, go to Under Grace and Over Coffee with Andrea.

Looking Beyond Strife and Toward Life In The Lord {at Exemplify}

2010-03-25T06:15:00.007-07:00

Today I am headed to a Beth Moore event with some ladies from my church. As you can imagine I am pretty excited. I got my mani/pedi. I shopped for some new clothes. It is like a mini-vacation for me. Most importantly, I got a new pen so I can write with the speed of light.

This means that I will be blogging from the road, tomorrow. I love blogging from the road. It feels like I am a foreign correspondent.

Today I am over at Exemplify. This is kind of a sad post because it will be my last post as a regular devotional channel writer. I am going to be writing for Exemplify's online magazine starting in April. If you have not had a chance to read the magazine, it is a must for any real Christian woman.

So the teaser for my last devotional post goes something like this,

...This makes me think of the spider that lives outside my kitchen window. He impressively weaves the web of his home across one corner. As I do dishes, I see his new conquests and wonder if I should tear His operation down, just to save the life of one more, unwanted by both of us.

The temptation that must exist in that net! They come one after the last, straight in peril’s way, each one demonstrating the first act of realized captivity, flight.

Intuitively, we fight the predator in this way. When I am bound in the net, I fight with everything in me. The net seduces my fleshly rights. The more that I fight, the quicker my feet slip through the gaps, and the rope wraps itself in knots around my limbs...

To read more, click here and go to Exemplify's Devotional Channel.

Getting Out of Your Rut By Expecting Big GOD

2010-03-24T11:28:00.009-07:00

Apparently, I do not need one lesson or even two. This is now a completely unintentional series. Enter post number three on the burden of a normal life.

I was cleaning the house the other day and did something that I rarely do, I turned on the TV. I navigated to a religious channel, which is another thing that I rarely do. That Kirk Cameron has really come a long way! Now you can think, “Wow, she really is out of the loop.” He did a lovely job of witnessing to people as I dusted every book in the den. Every. Book.

Another man followed Kirk, briefly touching on the story in Mark about the doubting father. Well, really it is about the boy that needed to be exorcised, but the father is the one with the crisis of faith. He says the words that I love, “If you are able”.

It has often cast him into the fire and into the water, to destroy him; but if you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us.” 23 Jesus said to him, “If you are able!—All things can be done for the one who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” - Mark 9:22 & 23, NRSV

The man on the TV then flipped this passage on me. This is not textually represented, mind you, so this would not hold water in seminary; but I already have my degree, so what are they going to do to me? What if the intent of that statement was - I believe that you can do this, but I doubt that you will do it for me.

Well, I nearly dropped my duster.

My rut has given me foggy spectacles. I am unable to see the spectacular for the filter that covers my heart. I am less likely to think of GOD, and more likely to think of GOD. I know what He has done. I read that. I pray that He will be GOD for those people in my life; but truth be told, I am only expecting GOD to show up in mine.

My litmus test is what we have talked about for two days. When laundry and a smile become insurmountable, I think that I need to get honest about my doubts. I believe He can do anything in the whole world including healing and rescuing, because He has done this for me. He has parted seas and made donkeys talk. He has managed a virgin birth and conquered death. Yep, He is the real deal.

But, in this frame of mind I am not expecting spectacular. I am not expecting favor. I am expecting more of the same. I believe that He can do it, I just doubt that He is going to do it for me.

Can’t you just see Jesus’ face as I state that out loud?

If you are able...

He is able, He will, He can...

And because of this...We are able, We will, We can.

So, let’s do it.

Beating Complacency With One Word

2010-03-23T10:02:00.005-07:00

Yesterday, we talked about the burden of a normal life. Click here if you did not get a chance to read it. This must be a lesson that God is driving home to me, and I know why. I am beginning to crawl from under that rock, that place where life can be overwhelming. Simple acts have become daunting and I, alone, cannot bring my will into line.

I was reading Deuteronomy 4:25, this morning,

“When you have had children and children’s children, and become complacent in the land, if you act corruptly by making an idol in the form of anything, thus doing what is evil in the sight of the Lord your God, and provoking him to anger,”

I like the fact that this verse does not say, “If you happen to ever find yourself slipping a little into a tiny bit of a rut, then maybe, you might have a problem.” Nope, it says WHEN you have been attending to life as normal and you become complacent, you are going to rebel.

Complacency...

A feeling of uncritical satisfaction with oneself.

You might say to yourself, “Well I definitely don’t feel satisfied.” Me neither. I do find that instead of trying to act my way through these times, I resign to do nothing about my lack of inspiration. When I say that my housework can wait, or writing that article can wait, or even that someone else can volunteer for a while, I am choosing a certain level of satisfaction for the moment. I am not doing the right thing, but I am doing what is comfortable and that is satisfying me in some regard.

The worst part is that my idol was me. In these times, there is no end to the ways that my life wants to destroy me. I am the center, and the center doesn’t feel like it. We discussed, yesterday how laundry becomes this monster that continues to gain strength as we struggle through each load. What about dinner time? That means that I have to figure out food, I cook, I put it on plates, AND I clean it up. Note the word “I”.

Is dinner in itself the enemy? Or, is the context of my responsibilities the problem?

Sea of Galilee

Dinner is simply a boat on a lake. Laundry is another boat off in the distance. Telephone calls to friends are a kayak that meanders by once and a while. The lake is the context of these responsibilities. This lake can be stormy or it can be still.

I am not sure what the water looks like in these burdensome times, perhaps sludgy. That is certainly how I feel on the outside. On the inside it is active, though. My heart is in turmoil. That is the ravenous storm on my lake. The water will not be still because I am choosing this momentary uncritical satisfaction over the work of the Father.

Then I remember what Jesus did to the sea. He calmed it with a word, and not only did he calm it but he rebuked it. Rebuke here is the same word used for rebuking demons. Think about that for a minute. Jesus has complete control, and if invited He can still this water. What I am unable to accomplish with my will and emotions, He can restore with one word.

No more rocking, capsizing boats or kayaks. The lake is still and the context of life regains His peace. We have taken His burden. This burden is light. We move like lightening under it. All things are accomplished that need our attention each day, and He works out the unfinished for our good.

I am so grateful for the honest hearts that I saw here, yesterday. I am so glad to know that I am not alone! Thank you for fighting this fight with me.

When Normal Life Becomes A Burden

2010-03-22T11:08:00.005-07:00

“But if that slave says to himself, ‘My master is delayed in coming,’ and if he begins to beat the other slaves, men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk,” - Luke 12:45, NRSV

No, this is not a whole thought, but I like the idea.

Sometimes, normal life can become burdensome. The act of doing a load of laundry can become equivalent to running a 5k. In these times, I have walked to the washer, stood in front of it staring it down, and turned around in defeat. It was just too much.

On my way back to the rock that I was planning to crawl back under, I passed the dishes that peaked out over the sink. They can be more dangerous than they look. Better leave it for a stronger moment.

Then, there is the weight of relationships. Perhaps, our friends would understand if we don’t want to call them right now, or next week. Being on the phone might waste time and energy. Apparently, I need all the energy that I can salvage if I am going to continue in a battle of will with household appliances. Don’t get me started about the grocery store, the bills, the taxes. These are further evidence of dangerous domestic forces.

And, the poor husband, I could just post a wedding picture and let him think of better days until I get my feet back under me.

This is what the slave in Luke 12:45 teaches me...when our eyes cannot find something more, something bigger, something God, we flounder. In this verse, it is eternal perspective. When we forget that we were built for eternity, minutia can take over our lives. The five minute chore becomes the two hour chore. Our prayers become unintelligible sputters and distracted niceties.

I know, I have been here.

I find it interesting that this slave gives two behavioral options when he loses sight of Christ’s return. He recklessly inflicts harm on others and he inflicts careless negligence on himself. This slave knows of the master. He is directed by a prudent manager and has been given everything he needs to do his work.

Still, this is his struggle. This is my struggle. I take my eye off of Christ and my world starts to swell up. Like inflatable pool toys, the washer becomes a stronghold. Who knows what could happen if I open that lid? Should I be trusted to pour the right amount of detergent onto those clothes?

The growing intensity of the unaccomplished can take over our lives.

I believe careless negligence starts from losing eternal perspective. We have work to do, and it does not belong to us. It is the work of the Father. It is valuable. It does not look like other people’s occupations. He might ask you to do less, but increase the intensity of your tasks. He might ask you to do more, forcing you to rely on those new mercies every morning to accomplish half of what your day needs to produce.

At the point which we neglect ourselves, like dominoes the things around us fall. One day we are kissing exercise good-bye, and the next we are piling newspapers next to the door hoping to take them to the recycling bin...someday. We are becoming reckless and soon we don’t feel like making coffee dates or laughing at our husbands’ jokes. Harm sets in and things start to fall off.

There are only two solutions that I have found. First, I have to come to God in prayer willing to be refreshed. I have to lay myself out in repentance. He delights in teaching me a new perspective, and gently restores eternity in my heart and in my head.

The second tool that I use for motivation is to talk to the woman I want to be. I stand in front of the washer and say, “What would she do?” She would fold the sheets when they came out of the dryer so I wouldn’t be looking at them next week. She would make that appointment now, so we don’t have to have the same conversation, again.

She would be more proactive, and rebuke this negligence with scripture. She would sit at the Father’s feet until He told her to get up. This internal guide works because the Spirit desires to grow us, sees our potential and delights in teaching us.

The choice becomes: I can slowly fall apart or I can be about the Father’s work.

I think that I will go do some laundry.

Me and My Boots

2010-03-19T09:03:00.006-07:00

These are my favorite boots, my favorite color, my favorite.

I don’t wear them much, and when I do they are tucked away under jeans. I don’t let the world in on my secret.

I am a conservative, God-fearing, introvert, wearing orange boots.

Some people gallivant in their bright clothes and flashy plastic accessories, and they are not secretive. They have nothing surprising or remarkable to reveal. That is what they do, they are, they want to be.

I am surprising. The world says that I am just a church-goer, a housewife all too fond of her husband, boring.

I say, “You have no idea...", while I strut, undetected, in my boots.

Their very nature is unpredictable. My sweetie knows that when I have my boots on I might be a little bit sassy or a little bit homesick. He does know to put on his seat belt.

What the world doesn’t know about me is a lot, me and my orange boots.

For more Caffeinated Randomness, go over to Andrea, at Under Grace and Over Coffee, every Friday!

Putting the Word In Lock Down

2010-03-18T11:17:00.007-07:00

“The ones on the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved.” - Luke 8:12, NRSV

You have to give credit where credit is due.

A woman came up to me in the grocery store the other day, warning me about my purse which I had left in the baby seat of the cart. She told me that she had done the exact some thing a few weeks before, in that same store, and someone had taken it. By the time she finished her tale, I was certain that she was creating a ploy to steal my purse by gaining my trust. I watch crime shows.

Lots of things get taken in the city. Someone stole all of the center caps off of our truck, maybe while it was parked in front of our house. We are not sure. These types of things send you into safety mode. Lock down the portals and latch the gates. There are creepers amongst us and they do not care what belongs to them, or not.

These people can touch my purse, our car, our home and our bank accounts...but none of them can steal my thoughts, alter my feelings, or touch the word of God in my life. There is someone who desires that power, though.

Even after we confess the name Jesus Christ with our tongue and believe that he was raised from the dead in our hearts, and even after we have this hope of salvation in our lives, we are objects of prey. The devil wants to empty the word of God from us.

This means that he will encourage us to obsess over schedules. He will create diversions as we look at people we should mimic, or look like. He will make Self-Pity our companion when we are tired. It only seems natural to expect our husbands to understand how hard we have it, right? We will doubt our callings and struggle under the weight of our gifts.

The word is what he is after, and only the devil would ever try to accomplish this. I will give him credit for that.

The reason? It is our lifeline. The word stands between this woman and the darkest powers that I can imagine. This word even tells me how to pray. It needs to be spoken back, shouted back, and sung back simply to live.

“But as for that in the good soil, these are the ones who, when they hear the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patient endurance.” - Luke 8:15, NRSV

For life, we must hear the word. Not just saying words but hear it like we were being told the biggest secret of all time. It is the juiciest morsel of word goodness ever produced. Once we hear it, we have to hold it like a purse, downtown, in the middle of the park, at night. We have to keep it for ourselves, never letting one syllable carelessly drop to the ground. We need to lock it down.

So, I will give him credit for his big ideas, but I know this...he can turn our heads, but he cannot turn our hearts. Amen.

Amen?

He Said I Am Like A Toddler, Not Good

2010-03-17T12:20:00.008-07:00

I was just listening to A Woman Inspired - Get Revived 2010. Andrea, at Under Grace and Over Coffee, gave an amazing talk that frankly every woman needs to hear. There are still 2 days left in the conference, if you want to get in on the wonderful encouragement. You can also buy all of the talks later. Andrea was encouraging transparency. So here is some.

Today gave me the following images of myself...

I currently am a...

standing on a...

Seriously, the other day, I was given the image of a toddler refusing to potty train. That is apparently where I am spiritually. Not flattering. I think that might point to some control issues. What do you think?

There comes a time when you just have to be real with yourself. I have been ignoring some little voices and I now I am hearing a big message concerning...control, which stems from fear. My solution? Lisa Shaw talked about pursuing Jesus hard, and this is exactly what I cannot wait to do, right now.

Like I cannot wait to finish this post.

So, I can look like this...

Does anyone else feel ecstatic about that?

I am so grateful to hear these words today from my sisters. I hope that you are finding encouragement where you are.

Blessings.

To Live Life As One, Inside Out

2010-03-15T09:43:00.006-07:00

Living in the Southwest is a little different. I grew up in Texas, but it is still green in Texas. Here we live in dessert.

There is so much beauty hidden around here. We have a lot of succulents, these cactus type plants that thrive here. I found this amazing new center plant for my outside table this weekend.

It is comforting to me to know that there are so many kinds of beauty. I am not the most faithful, most prayerful, most talented or most eloquent. I am one. For every woman there is a different kind of beautiful. I know this because God made each one, wove each one, breathed life into each one.

I have no problem looking out and seeing all of the other kinds of beauty, but sometimes it is hard to find it in this one, my one. What can He possibly see in this daughter?

I want to cry out, just like Peter, “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” (Luke 5:8b). The more that I shout this out, the more God tells me who I am, and who He is. I am small, but He is big. I am incapable, but He is endless. I am sinful, but He is holy. I am ugly at heart, but He makes all things new.

I am not the kind of beauty that flowers or explodes once a year. I am a succulent that has survived the droughts. I have grown even though it appears slow. I am not desired for my aroma or my worldly beauty, but I am consistent. I steadily plug forward even when I don’t feel Him. I have been tested and I try.

The question that I seem to be asking myself is, am I willing to be this kind?

I would love to be a peony or a rununcula. That is not what I am, though, from the inside out. Am I willing to be unremarkable, or will I try to paste the petals of flowers on my slick frame to make myself more tolerable for me?

To be true to myself and to weather this life as one. One kind of beauty, created, woven and breathed. To represent Him as I was made to be. What a challenge, this one.

Is this “one” a challenge for you?

Apology Letter to All The Men In Numbers 13

2010-03-10T12:04:00.006-07:00

Dear...From the tribe of Reuben, Shammua son of Zaccur; from the tribe of Simeon, Shaphat son of Hori; from the tribe of Judah, Caleb son of Jephunneh; from the tribe of Issachar, Igal son of Joseph; from the tribe of Ephraim, Hoshea son of Nun; from the tribe of Benjamin, Palti son of Raphu; from the tribe of Zebulun, Gaddiel son of Sodi; from the tribe of Joseph (that is, from the tribe of Manasseh), Gaddi son of Susi; from the tribe of Dan, Ammiel son of Gemalli; from the tribe of Asher, Sethur son of Michael; from the tribe of Naphtali, Nahbi son of Vophsi; from the tribe of Gad, Geuel son of Machi. (see Numbers 13 for more details),

I feel that it is only right to tell you how sorry I am for my behavior. You are located at the end of the laws and the beginning of the juicy story. This means that I have read about the layout of the tabernacle, the rules on sleeping together, who is dirty and who is clean, and the oodles of sacrifices. Oh, the list goes on. Honestly, I am ready for a little action.

It is in this spirit that I tell you, in the bible you are geographically unfortunate. I found myself skimming over each one of you today, without a care. I understand the importance of your mission and the death that most of you suffered. I understand that you had fathers and families. It is my will that is weak. I saw the genealogy coming and immediately searched for the end of the list. I was more interested in your expedition to Canaan than your identity.

Please don’t feel singled out. Let’s just say, it happens sometimes. Other times I try to pronounce every name so the characters become more real to me. I just had an impatient morning. You are very important to me, and I appreciate your bravery. Forgive my rudeness. I meant no disrespect.

In God our Father,

Tracy

Please tell me I am not alone.

Jesus.Woman.Words' 1st Birthday and News

2010-03-09T10:14:00.006-07:00

One year ago, I was sitting on my back porch, bundled up in my robe, praying for direction. I had graduated from seminary and was teaching a little here and there, but on this day I realized that there was something else that I was being asked to do.

I knew that I needed to write down what the Spirit was teaching me. He was asking me to discipline myself through committed times of writing. I assured Him that this was an uninformed idea, although I was willing. My writing had been limited to research papers and silly creative writing awards when I was a kid. In spite of my disappointing resume, I said yes.

This was a moment that I will remember. Sometimes you know when you are stepping into a gateway ministry. It is a stepping stone to the next part of ministry. I knew this to be true that morning. I was beginning a journey.

I was drawn to blogging. I was drawn to it out of daily discipline and community. There is a permanence to blogging that does not exist in the journals tucked away in my cabinet. I knew that my commitment could be tenuous considering I had spurned our family blog. Sorry, Babe.

I knew that my primary function on a blog would be retelling the lessons that I learn in my time alone with Him. In my mind, He is the only thing worth writing about. I am not that interesting. Really.

This was my very first post, written one year ago today. My husband did the artwork for the first few posts. How precious is that! He is so supportive.

At first I blogged like it was a part-time job. I had to post six days a week or I was not being disciplined. Clearly, I have gotten over that. I am so grateful that I have. Blogging can take over like a virus. Balance and stretching are crucial to this sport.

Here is some trivia for you,

Initially, this blog was called “Bridling”. As I said, the need for direction was heavy on me. Someone came up to me one day and asked, what does that mean?

Exactly.

What in the world does that mean? That is when I changed the name. The one thing that is consistent here is Jesus, one Woman, and the Words that tell the story of this life together.

I used to see this blog as a billboard for my writings. I now see it as a living room. People drop in, say fun things, I go over to their house and say fun things back. It is a comfy dwelling for this part of my life.

I would have all of you over to my living room if it were possible, so this is the next best thing.

This year has brought so many changes that it is time to rearrange the furniture. Just like I am not the same, this blog is not the same. Darcy, from Graphically Designed and Life With My 3 Boybarians, and I are going to give her a remodel in May. I am really looking forward to this. I hope that you will enjoy it as much as I will.

Also, April will bring my first column in Exemplify Online’s Magazine. I was thrilled when Kristen asked me to join the team. This does mean that this will be my last month on Exemplify Online's Devotional Channel. I am so privileged to work with this group of women. They are set on bringing glory to the Father, and that makes me giddy. The March issue is out so you will want to see that.

Thank you for reading this on any day. I hope that it has encouraged you. Please continue to come over and say fun things.

Happy 1st Birthday, Jesus.Woman.Words!

The Tale of A Dopey Engagement

2010-03-08T11:29:00.007-07:00

I remember it like it was yesterday, sort of. To say that about myself means that I have a foggy, out of order recollection with a strong emotional attachment to the event. My memory might not work right but, yesterday, as I celebrated the day that I was engaged to my sweetheart four years ago, I gathered every precious detail I could recall.

Post-engagement trip to Maui with my family

I had dental work that morning, which required pre-medication. By the time that DK (my now husband) showed up to take me to the dentist, I was dopey girl. I remember that he had a sport jacket on and he kept patting his pocket. I found out that he was patting the money that he had saved for my ring.

Mind you, this was March 7th, and he asked my dad in January. There was a little wait time involved. I won’t lie, I thought about it occasionally.

He kissed me good-bye at the doctor’s office. This was no little appointment. If I remember correctly, I was there for five hours, so DK had plenty of time on his own.

I have to fast forward because any details from the procedure are painful and inconsequential. I do remember that upon waking up everyone was super chipper. They told me that DK was there, and how great he looked. It was a little over the top, even in my stupor.

I didn’t know that DK had been showing them the ring that he just got me. That’s right, my dentist knew first. DK was also bragging about his romantic plans for a proposal. No wonder they were so excited. I felt like I was being left out of a joke by the time I reached the lobby. They told me to get some sugar in my system and, gratefully, I slid to the car.

Upon reaching it, DK opened the back door of the drivers side to reveal a jewelry bag. I remember talk about said jewelry bag and what he had been up to, but those details are fuzzy. I was slowly waking up.

We got to the gelato parking lot (this was my interpretation of the prescribed sugar), and I had to know what was in the bag. Not fair to tease about jewelry, am I right? He was all too ready, and I practically begged him to ask me. He took it out, and in the front seat of my car, he proposed. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Would you be my wife?”

Pause...

This would be a good time to explain my response. I had just had five hours of dental work, meds, gas and shots...lots of shots. Nothing in a six inch radius of my mouth was working. I looked like I had mono. It wasn’t pretty.

So, when my handsome boyfriend looked in my eyes and said those magic words, I simply grunted, “Eth”. How romantic. I had my proposal and I said, “Eth”. I shook my head to make sure there was no confusion.

So, it wasn’t what we had dreamed of but it did the job. I love that he just couldn’t wait. That is sweetly romantic. I do love that man!

Making Distinctions to See God Everywhere

2010-03-03T10:56:00.006-07:00

Last week, in Sunday School, we talked about the final verses of Jonah. My friend’s husband (Hi Sonya!) who happens to be in a profession where talking well is the norm, is teaching us. I say this because he has asked me to join in teaching 1 Peter, in a couple of weeks.

He, the professional talker, is very good at what he does. He uses words so well, that he could stop talking about the bible, start talking about bicycles, and I might not get the transition until minutes after. I am not built like that. Words are the steps that I stumble down.

I start talking and there comes the first step, looming...

Has it been raining?

Have we seen snow lately?

 Exactly how slippery will that step be?

Or, will it be like the steps last night with the high school girls? Will I just start hopping right down, unknowingly, only to turn around and say, “Why, I didn’t travel those steps at all, it must have been the Spirit”?

God, please, let it be the later.

And, so we will begin, I will think about the top step of 1 Peter, and he will be at the bottom of the staircase, gazing logically at all the steps. Either way, I think that it will be a fun experience together.

He made a great point, last week, about Jonah 4:10, 11, NRSV,

10 Then the Lord said, “You are concerned about the bush, for which you did not labor and which you did not grow; it came into being in a night and perished in a night. 11 And should I not be concerned about Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also many animals?”

These are the final words of Jonah; this is it. We are left with a question.

My future co-teacher suggested that the question of Jonah really becomes, what kind of God are you going to serve? This is an invitation to participate with this God. He is outlining who He is, and where His concerns lie. In application, this is our choice.

I have pondered this little ditty during my MOST (moments of studying theology. I am still trying to find a substitution for “quiet time”). This scripture from Leviticus fits into the puzzle for me,

But I have said to you: You shall inherit their land, and I will give it to you to possess, a land flowing with milk and honey. I am the Lord your God; I have separated you from the peoples. 25 You shall therefore make a distinction between the clean animal and the unclean, and between the unclean bird and the clean; you shall not bring abomination on yourselves by animal or by bird or by anything with which the ground teems, which I have set apart for you to hold unclean. 26 You shall be holy to me; for I the Lord am holy, and I have separated you from the other peoples to be mine. - Leviticus 20:22-26, NRSV

God tells us who He is. He tells us what He has done. He has made the choice to separate the Israelites. They belong to the Lord, and their job is to make distinctions.

In Jonah the distinction that the Ninevites could not make was between their left and right hand. They could not distinguish between elemental concepts, between the events of the day. The sacred and profane were beyond their conception. Jonah was presented with the burden of pointing the people of Nineveh to repentance, requiring acknowledgment of the sacred.

The Israelites were trusted with the same mission. God had separated them, and they were given the task of making distinctions between the sacred and the profane.

I walk away with this...when this is the focal point, God is everywhere.

God shows the sacred in our lives when we slow down to make distinctions. We see that we are holy to Him, and that He is holy. We see that we have been separated and that we belong to Him.

My days draw me away from this knowledge. When distractions are introduced, I lose the sacred, the holy. They get lost in the mix. My left and my right hand become interchangeable.

I am His, and to keep this in the forefront of my mind, I need to make distinctions between God and everything else, what matters and everything else, what is holy and everything else, what is really my job and everything else.

My job is to sort out these distinctions so that I can see God everywhere. My job is to work out my salvation, and help others interpret the elemental.

It is simply knowing your right hand from your left.

Simple?

Check out the March edition of Exemplify Magazine. I saw it this morning...AWESOME!

What do you want? Answer the question.

2010-03-01T20:31:00.010-07:00

When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Many sternly ordered him to be quiet, but he cried out even more loudly, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” Jesus stood still and said, “Call him here.” And they called the blind man, saying to him, “Take heart; get up, he is calling you.” So throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. Then Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?” The blind man said to him, “My teacher, let me see again.” Jesus said to him, “Go; your faith has made you well.” Immediately he regained his sight and followed him on the way. - Mark 10:47-52, NRSV

These verses stop me every time I read them. I have sat and thought of myself as the one by the road, instead of Bartimaeus. I have played it over and over in my head. The truth is that Bartimaeus happens to be blind. I happen to be a sinner. We all happen to be something.

As soon as he realizes who stands before him, Bartimaeus asks for mercy. At this demonstration, voices dismiss him. Jesus wouldn’t be interested in someone like you. Contrary to their purpose, his pleadings became louder.

Have you heard voices of impolite dismissal in light of your faith?

The voices do not understand the heart. Jesus sees mine. He silences the crowd, the intolerant, the doubters, those who create the models of Christianity. There is only one thing left to do. Go.

Bartimaeus sprang up to stand before the voice of One.

What do you want me to do for you?

This question has a grip on my heart.

It is a question for me, about me, to me.

It asks of my faith, how big do you believe I can be?

How far do I reach?

How complete is your word “sovereign”?

My answer is a photograph of everything I understand about love.

It is the question for every believer who cries out for mercy.

What do you want Jesus to do for you?

CR: 25 Random Things In My Head This Morning

2010-02-26T10:43:00.009-07:00

It is Friday, which means a little Caffeinated Randomness with Andrea over at Under Grace and Over Coffee. She is doing 25 random things about yourself. I am doing 25 Random Thoughts In My Head This Morning. She just brings these things out in me. I can’t explain it.

1. Where did the days of Easter dresses go? Last one, maybe eight years ago. Tragic.

2. I love being a bookworm. The smell of books, the weight of books.

3. I also like being a PRS worm. My husband bought it for me when I graduated from seminary. It is inscribed, “Congratulations, I love you”. Yummy.

4. This morning Proverbs 14:1, NRSV, taught me, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Amen and Amen.

5. The coolest thing that I read this morning, “We are a body knit together as such by a common religious profession, by unity of discipline, and by the bond of a common hope. We meet together as an assembly and congregation, that, offering up prayer to God as with united force, we may wrestle with Him in our supplications. This violence God delights in.” (Ante-Nicene Fathers: Volume III: Chapter XXXIX)

6. I love comfort food. Mac n Cheese, Baby.

7. Hallelujah, the day is coming, when our Savior stood up. He walked away.

8. In another life, I might have been a nun. Maybe, if my husband wasn't around.

9. I have been given a job, and an Advocate.

10. Wasn’t I supposed to do a pedicure two weeks ago?

11. Is it healthy for my knees to make that much noise?

12. Maggie is being tested for ringworm. God protect the rest of us! (Ringworm, not a worm, a fungus, silly name, just as bad)

13. Jesus does not have a pleasant story.

14. I love my new camera! Thanks, Babe.

This was yesterday in the backyard, 68 degrees, beautiful!

15. Logos rocks my world, but not on the Mac. Every day I shake my head and await the update!

16. I’m free.

17. Exercise is looming. I see my treadmill winking at me. Don’t flirt with me. I am not in the mood, yet.

Picture that I snapped of myself from the back the other day...Really, ok, Not Really.

18. This week I received my TANAKH in the mail. Awesome.

19. My favorite Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, quote from this week, “no matter how men may treat me, they will never treat me with the spite and hatred with which I treated Jesus Christ”.(2.23)

20. I wonder what we will find on Sam’s ultrasound, Monday morning.

21. 25 is a lot of things to think about.

22. I told the senior high girls that if they did not want to fast from something during Lent, they could add something to bring them closer to the heart of God. I have added something and it is changing my prayer life. I will share soon. I wonder if they are doing it?

23. FYI, the Zondervan New and Old Testament Charts are great cheat sheets.

24. I haven’t written all of my thank you cards from Christmas. What kind of a person does that?

25. Thank you, Lord, for each person that visits this blog. Protect them and show them You in a personal and unmistakable way today. Amen.

Have a great weekend! Comment and let me know some of your random thoughts.

Good Things Can Make Us Stumble, Too

2010-02-25T11:05:00.009-07:00

“there is nothing outside a person that by going in can defile, but the things that come out are what defile.” Mark 7:15, NRSV

I vividly remember an argument at a group dinner, about 10 years ago. I had made the statement, “Trash in, trash out”. I was not at a choosy point in my life, but I believe the comment related to a well-known, radio “shock jock”.

We went back and forth with our emotional opinions, never coming to anything but disagreement. The memory lingers due to the height of the emotions. He was very adamant that whatever you take in, doesn’t have to affect you. So, listening to radio or TV, or even what you can see on the internet, should not have an effect on your character or morality.

He was right in a way. It should not.

My point centered around the tendency of media to wear us down. Enough exposure develops a life of gray tones.

How do you feel when the bad guy gets murdered? Me too.

Does repentance ever play out in your “who done it”? Me neither.

This conversation brings to mind God telling the Israelites to remain separate from other people, specifically in marriage. He did not do it to harm them, or take away rights; he did it, to preserve their holiness. God told them that if they compromised, they would choose down, not up. There is something in us that will choose the easy and not the hard.

Jesus acknowledges the tension that exists in the human heart at Gethsemane, “...the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41b, NRSV).” He said this to our apostolic fathers, so I am confident that it is true for me.

Our hearts want to please God, but if we are subject to the right thing long enough, we will go to the lowest common denominator. There are exceptions that are a delight to hear, but this is the general rule. I will share my testimony, at some point, and prove it.

Our hearts, also, corrupt the commandments. We make choices that benefit us rather than those that glorify Him. In the context of Mark’s verse, two good things are on the table, honoring parents and tithing, but the heart is the wild card. It holds the intent of our actions.

Some good choices that I face on a regular basis:

Exercise first or Quiet Time first?

How much weight have I gained, and how guilty do I feel that day?

Do something else for someone, or have more time for myself?

Do I really like this “someone”?

Spend time with my husband or write another devotional?

Did I procrastinate? Do I have a deadline tomorrow?

I assure you, I can corrupt just about anything.

Or, how about this? I know that my speech should not be profane. If I am riled up and let a word fly, there is an immediate visceral reaction. I know that I should not do this; but, if I decide to invite people over to dinner when I should leave a night free for my husband to recover from his week, that is a harder call. It requires sensitivity on my part and submitting every little thing to God in prayer. I have to be diligent in this way or I stumble over the good things.

This encourages me: I think that it glorifies God to know we are being diligent in the struggle. Even if we fail, we try to make every choice subject to Him. Instead of taking the short cuts, we stay.

We find a way to stay.

I am looking forward to the relief from this struggle when I go Home.

How about you?

Hard Times Bring Broad Places

2010-02-23T13:00:00.007-07:00

“...and have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place.” - Psalm 31:8, NRSV

A couple of years ago, I had back surgery. Aside from all of the uncomfortable things that back surgery brings, I had to deal with the most crushing. Comfortable shoes and cute shoes rarely go together. Oh, the misery at making this discovery.

Don’t get me wrong. I was so grateful to walk that I didn’t care about the details. I would have worn trash bags if I thought it would help.

I remember how pleased I was to hold on to the treadmill bars and walk at 1.0 (that’s right, a sixty.minute.mile), with a handler watching. I wore functional shoes without laces (I couldn’t reach my feet to tie shoes). I wasn’t impressing; I just wanted to know that my foot was on the ground and it was staying there.

Getting through all of this has made me understand the value of a broad, clear place. At no time in the last two years have I worked my stilettos on a runway. I have not worried about how my calves look. I simply put one foot in front of the other. I find security in broad places and flat ground, with frumpy shoes.

I would say that became the landscape of my spiritual life, as well. I am more comfortable here, in a broad place. It has a wonderful, easy feel.

There are events that we experience which set a new pace for our life. We can either fight them or roll with them. We can fall into step with Him, or try to create our own rhythm. I have tried about every rhythm that exists, I don’t recommend it.

In a broad place, I see the hands of God reaching out. I see events happen without explanation. I see love and lives touched. I might have been too busy before the surgery. I feel that I can see Him better and hear Him clearer now.

I had to go through that horrible time, to get to the broad place.

I rejoice in this place. When the enemy pursues me, I can find comfort. I usually don’t have to untangle myself from the mess of the world to find my running shoes on solid ground. In this broad place I know who I am. I can see the One who set me there.

I like it here. I think I will stay.

Do you have events that re-paced your life? Did they put you in the broad places? 

Sam's Weekend and My Restlessness

2010-02-22T10:08:00.015-07:00

I wouldn’t say that Sam is getting spoiled over this whole thing, but I will give you a glimpse of her weekend.

My best friend from college, who lived with me then and again for five years before I was married, brought doggie Peanut Butter Pie.

Sam thought that my flowers were for her. I didn’t tell her any different.

All in all, she was very satisfied.

As for me, I have felt restless. Perhaps seven days of dog-sitting have had their toll. My life has become the size of my house.

This morning I read, Luke 10:17-20, NRSV,

The seventy returned with joy, saying, “Lord, in your name even the demons submit to us!” He said to them, “I watched Satan fall from heaven like a flash of lightning. See, I have given you authority to tread on snakes and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing will hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice at this, that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

I do not exorcise demons.

I would be bitten if I walked near a snake, stung near a scorpion. I cut myself for the third time this week on Sam’s aluminum food can.

I do not heal people.

The disciples rejoiced in all of these. I can only imagine how amazing it would be.

Stilling the seventy, Jesus set their eyes to the horizon, to the ONE thing. It made snakes and scorpions look small.

I share with the lost.

I write in His name.

I teach His word.

I stand beside people who accept Christ.

I minister alongside awesome women.

I am shortsighted, though. I rejoice and often obsess over these. Even worse, I obsess over their growth. Jesus set my eyes on the horizon this morning.

Their names, all seventy, are written in heaven. My name is written in heaven. We can rejoice now.

CR: A Week With Sam (My Dog)

2010-02-19T07:41:00.010-07:00

Our house has become a canine hospital this week. I am not sure that the other two girls (Maggie and Tess) realize that Sam is the only sick member of our family. They did remove Sam’s spleen, on Monday, and I was stunned when the showed me the size of it. She is only 22 pounds, which is a large Miniature Schnauzer, and I did ask them how such a spleen ever fit in there. I can only describe it as a cross between a banana and a burrito. Let’s just say, it has grown.

Waiting has been our game. With Sam on our bed, I have written, and watched documentaries that would make my husband gag. My big accomplishment of the week seems to be the laundry, and a magazine article (we can talk about that, later). Personally, I think my biggest accomplishment might have been stealing cuddle time while Sam is on pain killers. She is very independent, otherwise.

All of this alone time brought to mind a 23 year old, girl. I thought I was quite a woman. In a strange place, I had my first real job that was way over my head. I found that I did not have a friend, or a clue.

One of my employees took a fancy to me and, when his mom’s dog had puppies, he offered one to me...a gift. They let me pick her out. She was the most rambunctious one of the bunch...by far. She would take a running charge into her siblings, all of which could barely see. We ooo’d and aah’d over how adorable she was.

She was the one, my Sam.

Sam, last night at my canine hospital

My lonely nights were over. She and I would sit and watch TV on the couch, and debate the merit of playing in the middle of the night. Often, I would sit and tell her the stories of my life while she sat with that tiny head cocked to the side, ears at attention. I would cry because I was homesick, because I was scared, and because I was having to grow up. She would listen and then she would lick my tears.

Last night, I knelt down beside the bed. I had to tell her some news. “Sam, how could keep this from me? The doctor just called and told me that you have cancer.” She looked up at me, head cocked and ears at attention.

I was crying, again. I told her how sorry I was. We can’t fix it, only manage it.

She just leaned forward and licked my tears, like a hundred times before.

That is just like Sam.

"This Time I Will Praise The Lord"...at Exemplify

2010-02-18T07:17:00.006-07:00

Leah was unloved. Jacob, her husband did not love her. He loved her sister, Rachel.

Leah was the one who was picked last for the dodge ball team, the one who went to prom alone when the boy that she wanted did not notice her. She did not get married because someone asked her father for her hand; she got married because the custom dictated that the oldest married first. During the seven years that Jacob waited for Rachel, no one wanted to look in Leah’s lovely eyes and call her wife.

She could not see the eyes that pushed past her quiet facade, though. They were the same eyes that saw her tears when she was left alone after polite intimate interludes. These eyes saw the desire of a wife for her husband and the distress of an empty bed. No one on this earth could see what these eyes saw. They had the heart of a Father...

To read more click here and go to Exemplify's Devotional Channel. You will find me there, today!

Choosing Peace

2010-02-15T12:18:00.008-07:00

Today, my littlest and oldest dog, Sam, is having her spleen removed. It seems that she has a “huge” nodule or tumor on it. Knowing very little about spleens, I don’t know exactly what that means, but anytime the word “huge” is used by a doctor, I take note. They have to remove the entire spleen because it will keep growing, also to determine what type of “huge” we are facing.

I thought there was some irony in this verse being my topic of study, at the very moment Sam was in surgery.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hears be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” - John 14:27

These are my notes on it...

Jesus left peace with us. As He went away, He left the one thing that would hold us together until His return. I need this gift. Perhaps, He understood that the world, as promised, would spin further into chaos. Perhaps, He knew us so completely that He recalled the tendency of our sin nature to move to unrest, even on a cellular level. He knit us together in such a way that, without this peace, we could never live with a complete knowledge of Him.

Not only was it peace, but His peace. This was not the generic version of the drug, “peace”. It was not the shadow of peace, nor a mirror image of peace. It was not an opt-in/opt-out campaign. It was not born in this world. His was the blood of peace. Like oxygen, it flowed through the veins of Christ, traceable to the original fount.

This peace was not offered in exchange for trouble. It was not to be sought as the sirens notify us of mortal unrest. It was to sit under. It was to recognize Him as in the beginning, in secret, from the depths of the earth. I was woven in such a way as to share the constitution of the original fount.

Trouble, fear, they are unknown to this peace. My very nature is drawn to whisper insecurity and scream at its offense, but the fount does not recognize my nature. Instead, trouble gives reason to hide under welcoming wings, and fear provides a pleasant backdrop to the moving mountains.

I, the one with the cellular dysfunction, am the decision maker.

Will I let my heart be troubled? Will I let my heart be afraid?

What is promised is true. What I choose is how I will experience Him.

So, what do we choose?

P.S. I JUST got the call from the vet...Sam is doing well post-surgery!

Just Eleven Reasons For Love

2010-02-14T20:07:00.008-07:00

Just eleven reasons why I love my husband on Valentine’s Day:

He watches whatever I want on TV.

He is a great cook.

When he prays, I know that God hears.

He is the funniest person that I have ever known.

He doesn’t take any of my flack, which is hotter than one might think.

He believes in me more than I believe in me.

I am safe with him.

He is the handiest guy I have ever seen. There is no limit to what he can build or fix...also, hot.

He baby-talks Tess in the dialect that I created. This does not affect his manhood at all.

He offers to refill my water, even if he is not going to the kitchen.

The way to his heart is through his stomach, which is why I cooked this, this, and this to go with the bbq pulled pork sliders, for V-day weekend. This meant that we did not have to battle the crowds...and he didn't mind at all.

I could write a hundred things, but they all point to the same thing. He is my perfect Valentine!

CR: On Love and Awards

2010-02-12T09:05:00.009-07:00

I am not a celebrator of Valentine’s Day, generally, but I have this desire to say Happy Pre-Valentine’s Day to all of you! This is the day when, in classrooms everywhere, children exchange cards and candy. So, you are like my classroom and I am an old 7 year old.

You stop in to read, It makes me believe that friends are near and far At the end of this week You will all have a treat because chocolate will go on sale. (Not perfect, but you get the point)

Happy Pre-Valentine's Day!

One of my friends far and near, is Natalie, at Mommy On Fire, and this girl is! If you have not, you should check her out. She gave me a fun award this week and I really love the meaning of it. It is the Sunshine Award for people who offer just a little ray of sun into your life.

If you choose to participate (no pressure, you are my sunshine for the week regardless), here are the technicalities of the award. Each award has its little quirkies...

1) Put the logo within my blog or on my post 2) Pass the award onto 12 fellow bloggers 3) Link the nominees within my post 4) Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog 5) Share the love and link to the person whom you received this award from

Could you play, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...”, in your heads while I give the list? These are people who shared their sunshine with me this week.

Victoria @ Let The Son Shine (I think that worked out well for the Sunshine Award) Christy @ Critty Joy Kristen @ On The 3rd of December Andrea @ Over Grace and Under Coffee Lauren @ Living By Faith Amy @ Filled With Praise Joyeful @ The Joyeful Journey Kara @ kara with a k Jessica @ These Are The Days Jenn @ A Country Girl’s Ramblings Patty @ Blessed Moon (What a great McLinky party she had last weekend!) Brookie @ The Mountain Brooke (She was right, I did not work out last Friday.)

That is a lot of people! Hope that you have time to visit them.

Thanks to Andrea, at Under Grace and Over Coffee, for another round of Caffeinated Randomness!

Jonah, Jonah Everywhere

2010-02-11T08:44:00.006-07:00

I have been studying Jonah in two places this month, Victoria’s Let the Son Shine, and my Sunday School class. For the first time in my life, God has taken center stage in this mini-epic. God, our protagonist, makes His plan and will not be deterred.

Enter our leading character...God.

Oh, how I long to place Jonah at the center, much like I desire to place myself as God’s primary concern. If Jonah is the center then all of his rebellion and attitudes are to be mulled over and waded through, much like I indulge myself at times. But, what if the calling is the primary concern? What if I reflect on the history of prophets rather than my daily mindset?

This glimpse has created a struggle for me. If this is true, if God’s plan is the primary element of the book, then where does that leave Jonah? What if Jonah and I are not the center of the universe? I am going out on a limb to say...no, we are not.

I relate to Jonah. I have run, I have drown, I have delivered and I have misunderstood, but that is the peripheral plot. Jonah got to Nineveh and brought a city to God’s throne. This seems to be the point, as Jonah begins and ends with this discussion.

I can’t help but feel conviction at this new insight. If Jonah’s obedience to God’s plan is what proves pleasing, then I must carry that lesson in to my life. Jonah shows me that I don’t have to do it perfectly, nor pleasantly, but I need to do it. I claim to be available. I claim to desire God-sized events in my life, God-sized dreams; but, I am not sure that really want to go to Nineveh. Showing up in a foreign place, smelling like the belly of a whale after soaking in acid for three days, might not be what I had in mind. I would like to show up more like Esther before the king.

So, no matter what, am I willing to go?

Am I willing to embrace the God-size task and complete it?

Are you?

She Said Be Still

2010-02-09T06:51:00.007-07:00

I shared with you that I saw Cynthia Heald last Friday. It was dreamy. She said my name. I even sat next to her at lunch. You could feel her before you could see her, meek and wise. I am pretty sure that I am holier just from being in the same room with her.

 I am sure that we all long to be holier after her talk. She talked about simplicity…gasp, sputter, moan. Yes, simplicity.

She talked about being still. Some days, is this the hardest thing that you have to do? I know it can be for me. “To do” items actually bounce off of my list and do the cha-cha in my brain, while I sit railing against the limitations of my attitude.

I have to turn off the treadmill of events and face my Savior.

Be still.

Exodus 14:13 & 14, NRSV,

But Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid, stand firm, and see the deliverance that the Lord will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you see today you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.

The Egyptian army was coming to retake the Israelites by force. Moses’ advice was to stand firm and see what the Lord is going to do today. God will fight for you if you just keep still. It makes my mental havoc seem more trivial.

God will fight for me, for my attention, for my heart, for my worship, if I am still.

God will fight for the events of my day, for my false expectations, for that which I have no control over, if I am still.

I want to be the woman who starts to take on the qualities of the One with whom she spends time. When I walk, I want to have His stride. When I listen, I want His attention. When I talk, I want His demeanor.

Be still.

Then I can ask…what is the Lord going to do today?

Stillness, what do you think?

I Cling From the Rooftops

2010-02-08T06:33:00.009-07:00

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me". - Psalm 63:8, NRSV

I have never fallen off of a building, but I have seen it. There are countless movies in which a hero slips from the roof, catching himself on a rain gutter or pole jutting conveniently from the side of this formidable structure. The coincidental placement of these life saving items always makes me roll my eyes, but secretly I am relieved to spare another life from the perils of a rooftop. I can only hope, that in this situation, I too would have the luck of a gargoyle or flag holder to cling to, upon my descent.

I would be a terrible heroine. I am a physical klutz. I have no doubt that if placed on a high rooftop, I would end up in a free fall from my sheer nature. I am also a spiritual klutz, which never lends itself to heroism. I stumble over the smallest of opportunities. Often, I will trip over the opportunity to envelop a sister into relationship. Instead, I keep her out by comparison, unwillingness and exclusion. I assess my figure against her figure, my circumstance against circumstance, my influence against her influence. My nature sets my in harm's way, high on the rooftops in the rain, and then it lures me to my descent.

There on the rooftop I stand, busy with my mental successes and failures while I do not seem to sense my gradual slide to the edge.

If I were a hero in a movie, I could handle this situation with brute strength, simply by grabbing the nearest rain gutter to pull myself up. I am not a hero. I am too out of shape and inexperienced to overcome this enemy. I am simply a housewife, a woman and a wife. I can only hold on so long. My strength will give out.

I know what is about to happen.

But, at that moment, before my fingers deceive me, what if, instead, it became effortless? What if I realized that I did not cling to a rain gutter or gargoyle, but a hand. After a few moments, I can ease my grip and I remain secure. The hand is assured.

What if the longer I hang there, clinging to this Life Saver, the more my hand and His seem to meld into one homogeneous mass? And, the longer I hang there, the less my body becomes aware of the problematic sway at my windy height?

What if clinging becomes my salvation, instead of the death of my strength? His hand can do what both of mine could not produce.

One day, I look up and I find that it is no longer my hand to which this Life Saver clings, but my soul. In His right hand I rest, and I do not ascend to the rooftops alone, anymore.

If you have not been there already, check out Kristen's (editor of Exemplify) series on leadership. She just started it today, and it has already challenged me!

At Home But Blissful

2010-02-07T17:25:00.009-07:00

It is true. I am not at Blissdom (a blogging conference for those of you who don't know), but I see people across the blog world who are enjoying there time there. I, also, see many who are enjoying their time at home...like me.

I saw the I'm-Not-At-Blissdom-Blog-Hop, at Blessed Moon and I thought that I would join Patty's fun. It is the first time that I have visited, but I love McLinky.

Patty wants us to introduce ourselves. My husband, Captain Awesome, is solely responsible for my blog. He has given me continual encouragement to keep writing. I just adore him. What a lucky girl I am! We are the proud parents of three doggies, Sam, Maggie and Tess. Oh, we are simply crazy about these girls!

I have been blogging for under one year. It has been a fascinating journey. I have found wonderful friends in the blogosphere. I, also, love the opportunities that come from it.

I showed you a friend that I met while visiting my family last month, so you know that I love cows. It comes from being a rancher's daughter. I thought that I would share two pictures that I love, although I did not take them. I call them the quizzical cows.

When I get my new camera (that my husband is getting me for V-day), I will be able to share so many fun pictures with you. Until then, you have to admit that these ladies are so funny.

Just so you know, the February issue of Exemplify is out...and of course, it is awesome. Treat yourself with a cup of coffee and a lot of encouragement.

Thanks for thinking of this Patty, what a great way to meet new friends!

The Random Kindness of My Friend

2010-02-05T06:08:00.006-07:00

Yesterday, I told you that I had moved New Years. It is going pretty well. I am getting up to the treadmill most days, which used to be saved for right before dinner. This is a dangerous place for exercise, indeed. Dinner has to happen, but a million things can happen before then to alter my schedule before 5:30pm. Somedays, I just don't feel like exercising by then. So this year (starting February 1st), while it is dark, it is up and to the "treadslayer", or the "dreadmill" as Michael Scott says.

Today is different, however. I will meet my nemesis at our old time, today.

My dear friend Jane, who is learning how to write comments, has given me a gift. I am going to see Cynthia Heald this morning...and then I will be Jane's guest for lunch with Cynthia Heald. What a gift this is to me! All that it took on her part was kindness and a willingness to lug me along, but to me it could have been a box of cash. I have looked forward to it so much, and today is finally here.

I have gone through two of Cynthia Heald's books, Becoming A Woman of Excellence and Becoming A Woman of Prayer. They are wonderful little things that explode in your heart, kind of like pop rocks for the soul...while drinking Coke. It is guided scriptural study. They bless me tremendously.

I can't wait to see what comes out of it. I will let you know.

Is there some way that only you can bless one of your girlfriends with a "gift"?

Thanks to Andrea over at Under Grace and Over Coffee, our fearless leader in Caffeinated Randomness.

Crawling Out From Under My Rock

2010-02-04T14:03:00.007-07:00

Most of you had New Years last month, but mine was February 1st. I decided this when the holidays just kept running on and then I left town. The "normal", post-celebratory life is just beginning for me.

With this new occasion, I have restarted a slew of activity. I have my high school girls back on Tuesday night (we had gelato). Yesterday afternoon, I was able to meet with my mentor, who I have missed greatly over the holidays. Last night, I hosted the women's committee for an impromptu meeting (we had sea salt brownie bites).

I have found that, in church life, people are more apt to remember the food than the meeting. My girls might not remember that we talked about Christ-centered passions and how to find them, but they really liked the gelato. Last night, one person in particular enjoyed many brownies. I will mention no names, but you know who you are. We, in turn, enjoyed watching her eat brownies.

Today, however, I fulfilled one of last year's goals. I went and registered my money and I for a bible study outside of my church. I believe that it was life category 73, number 12. It involved something that I like to call, "crawling out from under my rock". As a creature of habit, I do not need change; I need regularity. It will take a few months before this group feels regular to me. In the meantime, I am the new girl...argh! BTW, if your job begins with domestic or anything from this post, you should check out their free podcast.

This means that I am, officially, attending a bible study in a place that I do not attend or serve...goal achieved.

AND, it was all fine and good until they started passing around a sign-up sheet. My heart gazed on it lovingly, while my brain said, "touch it and die". I could be useful to all of these new people. I stood up and walked away right before the woman next to me clicked her pen and started passing it. She probably thinks that I was running from it, and I was.

We talked about the tongue this morning. Oh my, my tongue. What sparks have flown from it in recent weeks! I have failed miserably in this area, and my heart has been restless over it. He is helping me, though. I am free and stand on His grace, which is everything that I need. That and a swift kick.

Getting glimpses of how wrong, how broken, and how far I am from anything that resembles "good" can be devastating, however useful. At times, it points me to what I want to become. I found this verse, and although it is about wisdom...I want to be that. Or, if you watch 30Rock, "I want to go to there".

"Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called happy." - Proverbs 3:17 & 18, NRSV

Imagine! How would life be different if this were true?

Victoria's study on Jonah is still happening at Let the Son Shine. I will be commenting over there, again, today. Come and join us!

Placing Pride

2010-02-03T10:23:00.008-07:00

Now I know that the Lord will help his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with mighty victories by his right hand.

Some take pride in chariots, and some in horses,

some take pride in cars or hair cuts some take pride in clothes and housewares some take pride in details and structure some take pride in a leisurely life some take pride in having the most followers some take pride in being alone some take pride in being seen some take pride in attending the right bible studies some take pride in having the right friends some take pride in having the most friends some take pride in knowing what to say some take pride in saying nothing some take pride in having the best children some take pride in their homes some take pride in making themselves crazy over their homes some take pride in accessories and bobbles some take pride in their paycheck and some take pride in passing beauty

If I am real, I have to say that I recognize some, have felt superior over others, and will encounter what is left. So where is my pride?

but our pride is in the name of the Lord our God.

They will collapse and fall, but we shall rise and stand upright.

Give victory to the king, O Lord; answer us when we call.

Psalm 19:6-9, NRSV

Scripture never rests, or sits still. That is one of the things that I really love about it. I can find a new word every day, sitting and waiting for me. Today, I learned about the placement of pride.

I am headed over to Let the Son Shine, today, for a week long study on Jonah. It sounded like so much fun to study with my friend Victoria, that I could not pass it up. We are studying Jonah in a Sunday morning class right now, which is really Sunday School for adults. (Do we have to change everything to make it sound more sophisticated?) So, I am interested to study it with these ladies and gather new perspective. Everyone is invited!

Are there any other online studies that we should know about? Leave me a comment and let me know.

Love, Knowledge and Insight...Oh My

2010-02-02T16:29:00.006-07:00

We have been talking about Philippians in church lately. Actually, we have been talking about something else in Philippians, not what I am writing about. Sometimes, when I am sitting in church, I read a scripture and mark it for later. Does anyone else do mini bible searches in church? We sit in the front, too, so it is probably a bad idea.

This was the case with Philippians 1:9 & 10, NRSV, "And this is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you determine what is best, so that in the day of Christ you may be pure and blameless."

I have wrestled with this verse because I have to. If you tell me that there is a possibility to determine the best thing to do, I will do everything that I can to figure it out. That is the A-type, need a gold star mentality. There are a lot of words before, "to help you determine what is best". The key ones that I see are love, knowledge and full insight. A-types dread these words because they can be subjective.

So, I go further in hoping for a flow chart. If it is true that love is a tool for proper perspective, then I need that. I see simple math...love increases with knowledge and full insight. So, if I do not love then knowledge and full insight will decrease.

This makes sense. When my husband and I were dating, I had a lot of incentive to get to know him. He was cute...I mean he IS really cute! So, aside from that, he liked me. I had been without a date for two years, and was not looking. I did find myself looking at him when he would walk in a room, however. I might have not loved him, yet, but I wanted to know everything about him.

I wanted to know what he liked and what he disliked.

I wanted to know if he ever shaved that soul patch off.

I wanted to know if he looked just as cute without his glasses.

I wanted to know the way that he spoke to his mother.

I wanted to know if he would like my cooking.

I wanted to know why he didn't turn down the air conditioning more at his house.

You get the picture. I wanted full insight into his life, into his head...and into his heart, eventually.

The more I knew, the more I liked; the more I liked, the closer I was to love. We naturally want to know more about the things that are in our hearts.

I see the connection between knowledge/insight and love, but I need a clarifying verse to really sink into this material. If love goes into hyperdrive with all of this knowledge and insight, then how do I get them?

I found it in Proverbs 2:3-5, NRSV, "if you indeed cry out for insight, and raise your voice for understanding; if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures - then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

To know what is best, not just for today but for every day until my eyes see His face, requires an infatuation kind of love for Christ. It will grow deep and wide, as I know more and love more. As intimidating as it sounds on its own, it comes so naturally to us to pursue the things that we love, to which we are attracted. In this state, we are willing to cry out, ask those questions for more understanding, and search it out like a hidden treasure.

Happy searching, ladies!

Lovin' Friday Randomness

2010-01-29T08:22:00.011-07:00

This week has been surprisingly wonderful with lots of new things to make my life easier. I am not a creature of change, so these could be a bit unsettling to me. Instead, they are perfectly pleasant additions to my week.

I switched cell phone companies and had to get a new phone.

I am not a fan of the phone...any phone. I have never "liked" any of my cell phones, they simply are a tool for me. That is why I am thrilled that it has all gone so smoothly. I dig my new phone. I can make calls and write myself a note, so far. I am going to switch all of the numbers from 2 phones ago into this one. That tells you how committed to "her" I am. I might have to name her. I recently named my car Olivia. Do you have a name for your car?

I got bangs.

I am going to switch out my profile pic soon, so they will be up (in answer to some feedback). I am so pleased with hair that does not fall in my eyes. That is extremely frustrating to me. Maybe it is my age, but functional hair is good hair. I also had to get a new hair dryer. A good hair dryer is like getting a set of good knives. I was fine most of the time, but now I can't believe I waited for so long. It dries my hair in like a third of the time. What could I have done with that extra six minutes?!

I have actually had hair dryers catch on fire. Does this happen to everyone?

The garage door...yummy...

Garage door, garage door You go up and down Without my frowns You open with one click Or merely a flick I am thrilled you are here I smile from ear to ear

This was something that my husband's co-worker sent out. I have to laugh because I have a sister who loves WalMart. I hope that you see the humor in this. It is a newspaper clipping.

Come on, admit it, have you ever dressed up to go to WalMart?

Thanks, Andrea for making me laugh on another Friday. Visit her over at Under Grace and Over Coffee for more...

The 200th Post!

2010-01-28T09:16:00.006-07:00

Today is my 200th post!

Let the heavens make bunches of noise (technical term) that the Lord has inspired so much to come out of one person in a year!

I am close to my one year mark...only a year, I can't believe it...so much has happened. And, I have learned SO MUCH...all the hard way! (I am working on defining this ministry as I move into my year. If you feel led to help me in this area, shoot me an email (there is a link on the sidebar), or leave a comment. All advice is very welcome.)

This day has spurred change in my heart. I cannot even explain it but, yesterday, I went to get bangs cut. Apparently, this mile mark is creeping from my monitor to my head.

Also, today, we are having our new garage door installed. This is the garage door that no longer closes. Just a week ago, it was the garage door that no longer opened on its own. Every time I would come home, I had to put the car in park, open my door, punch the button, run to the garage door, put my hand under the door and pull/push it for assistance. Alone, it was prone to stopping about two feet off the ground. I did this for at least a month. Before that, random parts were just falling off of the door. Let's just say it is time for our 1973 special to find a new home. My neighbors will have to find a new way to make fun of us.

I may just sit in the driveway this afternoon and push the button, giggling all the while.

For this special occasion (the 200th post, not the garage door), I thought about offering all bible references for the number 200 (there are 12 numbers, and 19 written out), but that really breaks all of the readership rules of blogging. I am confident that few would survive it.

Instead, that got me thinking about what I do. I do not rifle through this text, looking for literal answers, and I do not tell others how the bible offers shortcuts. I simply write the lessons that God gives me. Sometimes they are long, sometimes hard, but I feel so blessed to learn them first hand.

Thank you for celebrating today with me. I am leaving you with my 100th post. I called it, The 100th Post Of Stink. It was written before I used pictures or colors, so a little has changed since then. I do like that lesson, though.

Thank you for supporting me. I have loved all 200 moments with you.

God Will Seek It Out

2010-01-27T16:11:00.009-07:00

God is omnipotent...omnipresent...omniscient...omni

He has the world in His hand and the universe in His reach.

I can only imagine that is a lot to manage. I have been listening to A Woman Inspired Conference this week. Managing even my little household is a full-time job. Do you know how to use a miter? I certainly don't. I am stunned by the organization and skill of some of the speakers...stunned. I have a long way to go.

In my daily hustle and bustle, I will admit that I don't take the time to seek out some of the little pieces of life. They are significant, but they are just little.

I can, but don't, dwell in the place where decisions start. I put out the fires where they end a great deal of the time.

The problem enters when I notice the result of my negligence. I did not gain twenty pounds as the result of swallowing a twenty pound bowling ball. I did it one Sweet Potato Chip at a time (that is what I am eating right now).

I do not seek "it" out...the little place.

I think that I want God to be like me. I want Him to not bother seeking out the little nuggets of eventual consequence. I want to make decisions on the fly, and apologize later. If asked, I would tell you that I am prayerful and I desire His will, but I know things that you don't. There are times that I go on autopilot. When I traveled this month, there were things that took a back seat. I squeezed in quiet times and prayed as I went. Forgiveness was an afterthought and confession came slowly. The truth is, when I am negligent, I always suffer.

God is not like me. God is never negligent. God resides where the fires rage, at the end of decisions, as well as the quiet inception of every journey. Not only that, but He seeks "it" out.

God seeks out every emotion...every thought...every heart...omni

In the pride of their countenance the wicked say, "God will not seek it out". - Psalm 10:4a, NRSV

The Sky Reflects His Mystery

2010-01-25T15:32:00.028-07:00

First in my thoughts has been coming back to the blog world, after my trip. I waited to write until after I had listened to the last session of the A Woman Inspired – Nurturing Creativity & Efficient Living conference, today. It was so informative and Spirit filled. This online conference is going on the rest of the week, so if you have time you can sign up, too. It is going to be refreshing.

And, off of that wonderful topic…

I talked a little about my trip home last week. I desperately tried to take a picture of the sky for you, but my camera is too dinky. I guess this picture will have to do. When you walk out the door at my childhood home, you are just surrounded by the sky. It is so dark and the stars are so bright. They live as far as I can see in all directions. I can even see the cloudy looking, beyond distinguishable stars, dusty heavenly realms (my masters is in theology, not stars). Oh, it just makes my jaw drop.

I remember walking from my dad’s house to my sister’s house one night. It was so bright and welcoming, I thought that Christ had returned. I believed that if I just kept walking, I would be lifted up into that sky and taken home. I kept waiting for noise. I was just missing the trumpets, and apparently my mouth trumpet was not a satisfactory instrument to prompt His return. I tried.

My nephew and I used to lie on the trampoline and stare at that sky. So when he came to visit last summer, I took him to the planetarium. The “tour guide” was a wonderfully knowledgeable, and friendly man. It was such a pleasure to hear of the wonders of God’s hand from a secular perspective. It is still just as marvelous. Of course, I might have been the only person thinking that in the crowd. Maybe.

I am rusty on the details, now, so forgive me for my less than scientific approach. The topic was two little satellites destined for greatness as they mapped the solar system. This was so fascinating because they were never meant to get that far. They had a destination in mind and everything looked ok, until one of them took a wrong turn.

Why? Because scientists did not understand the universal nature of gravity.

We are so small. The inventor of gravity is so gracious to give me a sky to stand under, dumbfounded. He is so gracious to place me inside of the mystery of His universe. As He lets these little satellites travel His big creation, could it be showing us the magnitude of Him? Could it be showing the minuscule nature of me?

I believe that He revels in placing us inside the mysteries that no one can (look at marriage!). I need only to stand outside my dad’s house, looking up, to see the joy of His mystery.

I made the earth, and created humankind upon it; it was my hands that stretched out the heavens, and I commanded all their host. – Isaiah 45:12, NRSV

I am thrilled to be back in your company my friends. I will be catching up with you in the next few days.

P.S. I am posting from my new computer. It is a Mac, so I am working out kinks. I am seeing a lot of strange things, so just ignore them for now. Thanks.

Is there anything that I missed and just have to see? Leave me a comment and let me know.

Down The Home Stretch

2010-01-20T21:47:00.018-07:00

I am on the second half of my trip to see my family, which explains my lack of blog time. I have managed to hit two deadlines while traveling, by the grace of God and tethering.

It seems like something is missing out of my days when I do not blog; so, I will be eager to get home and back to my normal schedule. I have not been able to check in on my bloggy friends, and I miss all of you so much.

My mother and I toured around visiting family. I drove to a different town for 5 days. So, it was so nice to get to my dad’s house where I grew up. I have done very little since I got here, and that is the way we like it.

I took a few pictures on my walk this morning that I thought I would share with you.

This is part of the driveway between the house and the highway. When I was in high school, I could taste the freedom at the end of this road. I was so sure that as long as I kept going in that direction, life would be fair and wonderful. It took many years for life to be wonderful but it had nothing to do with this road. Now this road looks like a great place to take a walk.

Lots of things happened on this road, though. I have walked, ridden, run and managed many miles on this road . Once, I flipped myself over the handlebars of a four wheeler on this road. I ended up doing a full flip while holding on, landing in a back bend. It turns out that I broke too fast. I didn't tell anyone about that. I guess that I have lost my ability to be embarrassed over many things.

On one side of this road my whole family were riding horses and one got spooked. My sister's horse bucked her off and drug her. My horse bolted to the barn. I can't remember what everyone else did. What a crazy memory!

I found a friend on this road, today. I thought that he was handsome.

This is what I found at the end. Going home is an adventure.

Howdy from home!

They Found No Cancer...at Exemplify

2010-01-13T09:52:00.005-07:00

The nurses told me how to get on the MRI table. This is one of those times that I wish I was good with directions. They were kind enough to help me through the process. I ended up face down with my right breast secured, surprisingly like a mammogram, by the clamp that had appeared through the hole in the table.

As awkward as all of it might seem, it had become a norm to me. I just wanted this day to be over. I would have stood on my head to get the answer to this question that had already consumed two months of our life…is it cancer?

To read more, click here, and join me at Exemplify's Devotional Channel...

Moments On The Sidelines

2010-01-12T11:59:00.005-07:00

I am about to take a road trip with my mom. It should be a really fun time. The older we get, the harder it is to make those dates together. They are so valuable, but seem to wiggle off the pages of our calendars. These dates create the moments that bring smiles to us when we clean the house, or buy groceries. I know that this trip will fill the storehouse of smiles for a long time to come.

Before we get together for holidays or vacations, our phone time increase exponentially. This is a phenomenon that I cannot explain. I went over my minutes in December because I was arranging plans with people that I would see in the next few days. One might just wait and do everything face-to-face, but we are a people who talk about everything in stages. So, more phone time.

In this tradition, I was talking to my mom on the phone this morning. We were talking about the times in your life when your job is to do little.

Most of the time, I pray for God to do much with me, to work much through me, in me, around me, and use me mightily. When I pray, I think big. God is big. I think that I want to be prepared in case I need to learn how to fly, or I am called to be one of a handful running around my city as it falls. I am all about being prepared.

That was not what we were talking about. We talked about God is calling us to the small jobs. We (my mom and I) are prone to take over a situation when we see better solutions to really easy problems. So, should I just walk in the door with my computer and planner while the theme from Mighty Mouse blares in the background? No, probably not…she says reluctantly.

When we have our big vision, when we know what is best, how do we just sit on the sidelines and leave it to the ones who are clearly under qualified? (My mentor and I have already determined that I am a controller of people…thank you CTO!) WE JUST DO! If God wanted me to work out the plan, he would give me the power of attorney for all the people I need to fix. To date, this has not happened.

My mom and I were talking about how to pray for this. I need to pray for God to show me what my job is, and be open to cameos. I need to ask Him to prepare me for my job. If I do this, I will be able to encourage from the sidelines, to keep my communication from becoming a stumbling block to others, and to support the plan that God has ordained.

Without prayer, I know exactly what would happen. I would appoint myself in leadership of this project. I would assume authority that was not divinely given to me and I would move away from God’s covering and into enemy territory. That is where I find the fear and frustration. That is where the strife will not leave me alone and my Spirit will not rest. This is a tough place to pitch my tent.

Today, my mom and I are praying for our sideline positions. We are praying that we can know, and be prepared for our jobs. In fact, we are planning to be the best stinkin’ sideliners that this world has ever seen. Right mom?

Do you ever “know best”? How do you deal with that?

It Was All In A Pause

2010-01-11T08:06:00.005-07:00

Sometimes, I lose it in the pauses.

This is important because some of the better things in life happen in pauses.

I remember the pause right before my husband kissed me for the first time on the edge of the Grand Canyon.

Pauses in music are good. They allow us to catch our breath for the next line.

When I run, I like pauses. In fact, I prefer them to running on the less fantastic days.

There is nothing like the first pause in a crazy week. The one where you sit in a chair or on the bed and think, “Oh, just give me this moment”, as you breath out slowly.

We pause life when we sit with the Lord.

There is always a pause before someone blurts out that they are pregnant (no I am not).

Pauses are the temporary hold of the present in anticipation of a relentless future. They are brief. They are intentional.

When Jesus had come down from the mountain, great crowds followed him; and there was a leper who came to him and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean.” (Matthew 8:1 & 2, NRSV)

Lord if you choose, you can make me clean.

Pause.

I hear this pause. This man aches from his disease, and his hands and feet are weak. His skin is inflamed. His is alone, but he wouldn’t be able to feel the soft touches of his family, anyway. His eyesight is failing him, and he is in danger of losing his fingers and toes.

And he says, Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean…and then he waits. This pause seems to last forever in my mind.

Sometimes, I lose it in the pauses. I fail to make it though that eternal second, waiting for the answers that I crave. I can’t imagine the other side of that second when a voice will complete all my needs, spoken and unspoken. The interior of a pause can bring the ache of a lifetime.

He stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I do choose. Be made clean!” Immediately his leprosy was cleansed (Matthew 8:3, NRSV).

Unlike my friend, I do not always hear God say, “I do choose”. I do not immediately see that I am free or clean. The landscape and the people sometimes look and act the same.

But, like my friend, I always have a moment. It is my pause. This moment hangs in time while Jesus stretches out His hand to me. He touches His daughter, His beloved. I know that whether He chooses or not isn’t important. It is the pause in His presence that matters.

I think this is on my mind because I still do not feel that the rush of the holidays is over. Are you still going at holiday speed? Do you need a pause?

Caffeinated Randomness and Over The Top!

2010-01-08T08:01:00.013-07:00

I actually posted my Caffeinated Randomness, yesterday. So I will link to that from here. I am so glad that Andrea, at Under Grace and Over Coffee, is doing this again. It makes my Fridays so enjoyable to indulge in what feels like a natural mindset. Did I mention that I stopped drinking coffee? It was so much easier than I thought it would be. I have more energy late in the day, which was when I basically capsized.

Believe me, though, my CR is random and worth peaking at if you have ever hated filling out a form. It is titled, Oh, I'm More Than Just A Housewife.

I switched my Randomness because I was given this lovely prize, and I needed just a little more time to pull it together.

My dear little friend, Christy, at Critty Joy, has honored me with a blog award. It goes without saying that I adore her and her beautiful blog that she changes for each season. I have got to become more like her this year. If you want to see real writing and a real heart, go see Christy. It is no wonder that she got this award, she is definitely over the top.

I just saw the my friend Lauren at Living by Faith, also gave me this award, which is funny because I gave it to her (see below). Since I am about to post, she will just have to get it right back. I love that girl and she is over the top.

Here are the Rules:

Use only one word answer the questions, pass along to six favorite bloggers, and tell 'em you did so.

1. Where is your cell phone? somewhere

2. Your hair? pony

3. Your mother? far

4. Your father? napping

5. Your favorite food? mac n’ cheese

6. Your dream last night? none

7. Your favorite drink? water

8. Your dream/goal? home

9. What room are you in? office

10. Your hobby? blogging

11. Your fear? no

12. Where do you want to be in six years? here

13. Where were you last night? home

14. Something that you aren't? petite

15. Muffins? bran

16. Wish list item? towels

17. Where did you grow up? California/Texas

18. Last thing you did? treadmill

19. What are you wearing? exercise

20. Your TV? off

21. Your pets? napping

22. Friends? loved

23. Your life? precious

24. Your mood? content

25. Missing someone? hubby

26. Vehicle? vroom…

27. Something you're not wearing? makeup

28. Your favorite store? none

29. Your favorite color? orange

30. When was the last time you laughed? last night

31. Last time you cried? thinking…

32. Your best friend?(s) handsome

33. One place that I could go over and over? Chicago

34. One person who emails you regularly? Bobbie Brown

35. Favorite place to eat? home

There are just people who I love in the bloggy world, and I really could go on and on…

Lauren, your heart is precious. I love to hear her faith and her quest for Tucker. I know she already got this, but those are not the rules. I think that she gives and gives. Lauren’s heart is over the top.

Andrea is caffeinated and graceful. Her journey is so real and wonderful…and most importantly faithful. I am still not sure why she lives in the arctic circle, but Canada needs good bloggers, too. I learn a lot about their holidays from her. Andrea’s genuineness is over the top.

Victoria, my wonderful prayerful friend. All you have to do is look at her blog to see that she grows daily in Him. It is a privilege to call this girl my friend. She is one of a kind, and I appreciate her. Victoria’s growth is over the top.

Jenn grew up with my husband. She is the real deal. Jenn lives a life led by the Father and passes it to her children. She is inspiring and writes beautiful pieces. She is just as sweet as she appears to be. Jenn always gives her heart to her readers. Jenn’s compassion is over the top.

Amy, and I can’t help it that Christy already picked her; I adore her too! So, Amy tells of the faithful family. She is so close to her new baby, I bet she can just taste it. I just saw today that they are number 22. Amy is a go getter and refuses to sit this life out. I get so pumped up when I read her. Amy’s enthusiasm is over the top.

Alisa…for pity’s sake, that girl can write. I just love to sit with a big glass of water and recharge over her latest thought. She is phenomenal and I am uncertain if there is anything she says no to. Alisa’s writing is over the top.

Oh, I'm More Than Just A Housewife

2010-01-07T13:44:00.004-07:00

There is something about filling out a form that leaves me bothered.

I am not unemployed. I am not unfulfilled. I am not unchallenged. I am a housewife, technically, but in the much larger sense I have an extremely layered existence. My life is rich with relationships and activities. I teach, I volunteer, I write and, yes, I make a great home for my husband and I. My man knows that he can count on me when he is not here to get things done. I have a job, here in my home.

Even better than that, my life is used in so many ways everyday because I don’t clock in. I have the privilege of God unraveling my schedule on most days so that I can see Him do amazing things with my time. I get up in the morning, refreshed, and I am busy until I get in bed at night…and I don’t even have kids (that is why I am refreshed)!

But on a form, I am just a nothing.

I am tired of it, and you can help me.

I want a new title.

Someone was laughing the other day about domestic engineer, but to be honest, I am not really sure what that means. So, I put together a few of my own.

When people ask me what I do, I can say,

I run a multi-species cohabitational experiment.

I manage the small scale evolution of a specific people group.

I am the director of a community living program.

I am the director of hospitality at a local estate.

I am part of the managerial team of W.E.D.

Let’s get on this, ladies! Help me out and give us a new title. Leave all of your thoughts in the comments below. I know I can count on you.

Some Fudge, Some Fruit, and Some Agreement

2010-01-06T10:31:00.011-07:00

Things that I know from this New Year 2010 thing:

Any song by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons makes it a party.

There are still no good shows on TV this week.

I am going to have to work hard to switch over to the Mac that my husband bought me for Christmas, but it is SO COOL!

I need to look at the food pyramid again because I am pretty sure that fudge is not a food group represented therein.

I have not seen, “I want to be more intentional about repentance”, on anyone’s New Year’s resolutions.

Not that I blame anyone, of course. It is not on mine, but let me tell you what I do see. The Christian women who are making goals and resolutions are largely acclaiming the furtherance of the Spirit’s work in their lives. Losing weight, that is self-control. Increasing the intensity of devotional times is faithfulness.

(Here is a thought, what if we set one goal for each fruit of the Spirit? I just thought of that. Interesting method?)

I have found that when we intentionally seek fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness,gentleness, and self-control) and allow it to be sown, ripened and picked through our lives, we feel more content and intentional about our lives.

So, this arbitrary mark, once a year, makes us stop and feel uncomfortable about the areas where fruity growth is lacking. I have no idea where this discomfort is the rest of the year. I must save it up.

The other source of discomfort is comparison. It is easy to compare ourselves to others and want what they have. This is not fruitful growth, though. It stems from fear, whether it is not feeling adequate or having a poor body image, etc. Donna Otto says, “Faithfulness and fear do not coexist”. That has proven true in my life.

Going back to the topic of repentance...Matthew 1:21 (NRSV), tells us, “She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

That is why Jesus came, to save us from our sin. He saved us from eternity apart from Him, and He saved us from lives without hope and purpose. We are driven to bear His fruit because He saved us from the alternative.

The Savior has claimed the object of His salvation.

This is where repentance becomes real. Repentance means changing one’s mind. It is a movement away from what is now understood as wrong, to right. The movement is the really the important part of it. My favorite understanding of repentance is from a wonderful friend who says, “Repentance is when you finally tell God that you agree with Him”. The object of His salvation moves into agreement with the Savior.

I read this verse last week and it has been playing out in my head ever since then.

Bear fruit worthy of repentance. (Matthew 3:8, NRSV)

Or, if you prefer…

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. (Matthew 3:8, NIV)

The fruit that we bear needs to be worthy of repentance. Our fruit needs to be sown and grown and ripened in the field of repentance. This is the field watered with blood of Christ. It needs to be esteemed alongside the act of changing our mind and moving from what is wrong to what is right for us, and our homes.

Sounds a bit like making resolutions, doesn’t it? The thing that I have not done, while making my resolutions, is repent in the areas that I lacked last year. This verse tells me that it does not start with making more plans to bear fruit in 2010. It starts by pulling my heart in line with His. It starts by agreeing that, in some areas, I was not what I could have been last year. To be honest, there were moments that I simply wasted His time. The reason that I did not accomplish some of these things is my lackadaisical will. I was just lazy. I wasn’t alert. I agree with Him. That was my fault.

Repentance brings our minds in line with the Spirit of Christ, our comforter while He is away. Is it no wonder that fruit can only come from such a humbling act?

Thank you for sharing all of your resolutions for 2010. It has been wonderful to read them and see the places that God wants to grow fruit in your lives. I have read most of them, but I would love to see more. If you are doing resolutions, leave me a comment. I would love to visit.

One More Trick to Goal Setting

2010-01-04T11:48:00.005-07:00

This is not really what we are talking about, but everyone else is so I thought I would enter the conversation.

I ran across Donna Otto last year. She was at the Youniquely Woman conference with Kay Arthur and Emilie Barnes. I immediately got her book, Secrets to Getting More Done in Less Time. The title sounds a bit like a method of making your life busier; instead, it is a way to live out the details more efficiently so there is room for God to work through moments of life.

Many of these ideas are simply my interaction with the book. Donna really clarified goal setting to me, and as she points out it begins with priorities.

Priorities are those roles that only you can fulfill. God has given this job to you and only you. They are your core identity on paper. I fought this a little because I did not want to condense myself that far. I thought that I was too complex to widdle myself down, but it is really that simple. When you define who God has made you to be (as you can understand it right now), it can steer every decision and every goal.

So, let me give some examples,

1) I alone am responsible for my relationship with God.

2) I alone am responsible for who I am and who I become. I have to intentionally seek intellectual, physical and spiritual health and advancement.

3) I alone can be my husband’s wife. I am the only one who can minister to him, love him, respect him and care for him as a wife.

4) I alone can manage my household. I am ultimately responsible for every dust bunny and meal with or without help.

These priorities tell me that anything falling outside of God’s jobs for me is not my responsibility, unless He wants to grow my area of influence (add priority). These priorities also tell me that when I do not take care of one of these areas, it is my fault. I used to be full of excuses for the resulting discontent of neglecting priorities, whether mild or extreme. I have found in the last year that when I care for these areas, my God given jobs, I am content and peaceful.

Enter goal conversation…All of my goals stem from my priorities. Priorities help to see where life gets cluttered. There is so much that we are involved in that is not our business. When the clutter was gone, I could set goals that magnified my God jobs.

Saying this, I hold my ideas for 2010 loosely, soliciting God to move as He desires through my life because that is the exciting part. Meanwhile, I am a big advocate of preparation. I tell the high school girls, “You’re gonna’ become somebody, so you might as well have a say in it”. I just can’t get upset when plans change.

And that is all that I have to say about goal setting.

Do you have anything to say about it? Are you sick of hearing about it, yet?

I Wish Us A Strange New Year

2009-12-31T09:45:00.006-07:00

There is something about New Year that spells change. It is a sign of hope that once a year we get a redo. Of course, it is an arbitrary marker, but it has power. This year, this New Year, what will we be? At this time next year, will we be all that we dreamed of, or will we be the same procrastinating, comfort loving, weight carrying individual that we were at this time last year?

I took to setting goals this year. I set many, many goals. They are all so amazing. I was looking at them this morning and I thought, “I would choose them all again”. I want to be that person. Let me give you one from each life category,

To improve my health, #4 was to find an exercise that my husband and I enjoy together. I think we hiked twice.

To increase intimacy in relationships, #4 was to have one couple over for dinner once a month. Now how hard is that, Miss Introvert?

To reduce temper outbreaks, #3 was no speaking in anger. It does still sound like a good goal.

To have varied spiritual input, #5 was to find an outside bible study to attend. I did that, once. I am excited to go back this year, though.

To increase the quality and effectiveness of the blog as a tool for God’s use, #2 was to get ahead, at least one day, on blogs by writing two, one day per week. That didn’t happen. I kind of just write as I go.

To be used more effectively, for my specific purpose in God’s work, #4 was to find a senior high devotional for my girls. I really need to do that. See, that is a great goal!

To intentionally meet the needs of others, #2 was to find a volunteer organization that interests me. I just blogged about that, so I have not found it yet, but it is coming.

To make my home a peaceful haven that expresses our family identity (I think that this one is one of the most important), #3 was to attend one marriage conference each year. Done! We made two.

So, as you can see, it is not for lack of ideas, although there may be too many. Believe it or not, there are more life categories. Instead, this year was shaped not by my desires but by divine appointment mixed with circumstance. It was crafted in such a way that I am different from when I started, but I could not have planned one day of the process.

I was reading in Luke where Jesus heals the paralytic (Luke 5:17-26). Imagine yourself a Pharisee in this scenario. A man has just been lowered through the roof and, “When he [Jesus] saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven you” (Luke 5:20, NRSV). That is pretty surprising, and the Pharisees thought so, too. They were not pleased with Jesus’ discussion with the party crasher.

But, of course, Jesus knew this. To which He said, “Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Stand up and walk’? ²⁴But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he said to the one who was paralyzed—“I say to you, stand up and take your bed and go to your home” (Luke 5:23 & 24, NRSV). Imagine that scene. Watching this carpenter’s son forgive sins and heal a paralytic man, emphasis on the forgiving sins.

So, as you sit there with your mouth hanging open, watching Bobbie Raye stand up and walk out of the room, glorifying God and doing an awkward, atrophied, sinless dance, what do you feel? Amazement. We glorify God with this man. How can we not?

In response we say, “We have seen strange things today” (Luke 5:26b, NRSV). Without sounding disrespectful, what we believe is strange. Our sins are forgiven, isn’t that strange. Strange is the nature of our belief because it exists within the life and works of Christ. When I read scripture I see things that I just can’t explain. They are mysterious and wonderful. They are divine and strange.

I don’t really wish for you or me that we hit every goal this year. I still might not blog ahead of time because there are other things that I need to attend to besides social media, and some days there will be no post at all. Life is crafted as we go. I really understand this after 2009.

So, I wish for us a year of strange things, a year of amazement and glorifying the Father with the struggles and victories of our brothers and sisters. I wish for us, in 2010, a first row seat for the wondrous works of God in our lives, even if it involves party crashers. I pray that we are patient as He unravels His goals and His intent for our year. I pray that we prepare the way of the Lord into our lives, and make His path straight.

Have a wonderful and safe New Year’s Eve!